Friday, April 28, 2006

Snowy days bring wonderful blessings.

It has snowed on almost every imposrtant day in my life. Two years ago this day was no exception. It was a wonderful 80 degrees the day before. I went to lunch with some work friends, and barely did anything at work. That night I dropped my little dude off at my sister's house to spend the night. Why you ask? Because I was going to have a baby! My little princess was born 2 years ago today. It was a shocker that it snowed that day. It was the only day out of the week that it was less than nice outside. I was thrilled though.

Lets jump back about 6 months. I had gone into my family doctor for something that had NOTHING to do with being pregnant. Actually at this point I had no idea I was pregnant. I had just stopped nursing my little dude and was taking birth control, there was no way that I was going to be pregnant. The doctor was doing all sorts of tests that day. He gave me a perscription and sent me on my way. That night at about 9:00 I got a phone call. It was my doctor. The first thing that he tells me is that I needed to sit down. My first though was, oh crap! I have cancer! Well the doctor continues to tell me that after I left his office that day he had a feeling that he needed to do a pregnancy test. He did one and it was positive. Good thing I was sitting down! What a complete shock! I had no idea. Aparantly I was almost 3 months along. Even more of a shock.

That night after putting my little dude to bed my husband and I sat on the couch and cried for about 4 hours. This sounds really extreme, but let me just explain. My little dude was only about 5 months old. You can do the math, but I will help a little. That meant that they were going to be 14 months apart. I was not sure that I was ready for that. It was really hard adjusting to motherhood. My husband was having a hard time as well. With adjusting to fatherhood and motherhood. Not only that he had just been laid off from his job a few moths before. We didn't have very much money and had only one car. I had just started a new job and wasn't sure if the insurance would cover the pregnancy because it was a pre-exsisting condition. So many things where going trough our heads that all we knew at that point was just to cry.

Well, on April 28th 2004 our little princess joined our lives, and changed them forever. She has been a blessing in so many ways. I realized so many things about myself and so many things about life all because of having her. I had post partum depression after having her and that was a struggle, but again another blessing. She has made me a stronger person, she has made our family stronger. I look at her every day and am so proud of all that she is learning, all that so does. I was scared for her to come into this world, all for my own selfish reasons. The Lord had another path for me. I took it, and I have been very blessed and I wouldn't have had it any other way!

Happy Birthday little princess! I love you with all my heart! Keep your spirit strong, and keep your mind healthy and clean! Remember who you are and where you came from. You have changed your mommy's life, I feel that you have the ability to have a stong impact on this world! You are an amazing little girl, please don't ever grow up and try to change that! With much love, Mommy.

Monday, April 24, 2006

The short version of my week.

It seems like it is really hard to post these days. I feel like since the weather is warmer now I have a million more things to add to my list of things to do. It is great though, exactly what I have been waiting for all winter long.

I am officially a soccer mom, minus the mini van. My little dude started soccer on Saturday. He has been waiting for weeks to play, so he was really excited that it was really here. His team lost, but he still had so much fun. He liked trying to tackle the kids that were in his way. I kept telling him that he has to go for the ball not the kids. I did have to laugh though when he took down the biggest kid on the other team. I asked him why he did that and he said because he couldn't see the ball. We need to work with him a little more on his sportsmanship. What do you expect from a team of a bunch of 3 year olds though? There were a few times that he came to the sidelines to ask me if he was being good playing soccer. I loved it! He can't wait to play again on Tuesday. Pictures will be coming, he looks so grown up in his jersey.

It has officially started. Wedding season. What a crazy season it will be too. We are very busy with photography. It is great though. I love the practice and I love doing them. Most of the time anyway. I had two photo shoots this weekend and another one tonight. I have a wedding almost every weekend for the next couple of months. It will keep me very busy.

On Saturday I shot the 50th anniversary party for my husbands grandparents. It was fun. I love to hear of people being married for so long. It will be neat to make it to my 50th anniversary. It was great to meet more of his family too. People that I haven't seen in years, people that I have never met before. There was a lot of hard work, and effort that went into that party and it was fun. The kids had a hard time not being able to play outside when it was so nice and warm, so that made it a little hard. They sure did sleep great that night though.

Another thing that happened this last week is that I started a job. Well kind of. It is for a huge children's clothing store, and I will only be working once a month. Just to help with floor sets and stuff. I am really only doing it to get the discount and to buy my kids cute clothes. It was really fun to start and I can't wait to keep doing it. It is a great outlet to relieve some builded stress. I got the kids some great summer clothes too.

This is my life, boring I know. But between being a stay at home mom with two kids, teaching guitar lessons 3 days a week, soccer 3 days a week, photography every weekend, cub scouts, and working my new job, I really have a lot going on. Life is busy, but I wouldn't ask for it any other way!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Results and Reaction

Ryan Seacrest is such a nerd. He will forever be known for "After the break." Last night this was my reaction....

Taylor you walked to the right side of the stage. You were right the first time!

Chris SO can not be in the bottom three!

Oh my gosh he is in the bottom two!

******GASP!!*****

Good thing Ace is gone!

Take a deep breath.

Chris go back to your rock! It was working for you! No more almost heart attacks for me!

Maybe I should have called in my votes last night. The one night I didn't he is in the bottom two. See hubby, acting like a teenager and voting does pay off!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Life's Adventures

I have been laying in bed for over two hours staring at the ceiling. I have way too many things on my mind that are disturbing me. The details I won't get into, but I have been having a pretty crapy week. While I was laying there trying to get over a few things, figure a few things out, and tring to learn what lesson I should be learning from all of this I started to think about a mountain biking trip I once took. Some how thinking about this trip helped me learn a few things.

My husband and I used to be really into mountain biking. We used to go almost every Saturday morning. We still love it and talk about it all spring and summer long. But that is all that we have done for the past few years is just talk about it. With two kids now, it is a little harder to go do something like riding your bike down crazy trails. I think that once the snow melts we will be heading up there. I hope anyway.

One year my brother, my sister, my husband, and I decided that we were going to try to Wasatch Crest Trail [Click the link and it will show you pictures, but if you scroll down the page a little it will show you a map. That way you can get a better picture of how crazy this trail is.] It is about 26 miles long and goes from one side of the Salt Lake Valley, into Park City, and out on another side of the Salt Lake Valley. We started in Big Cottonwood Canyon by Brighton Ski Resort. A few miles down the trail is a hill called Puke Hill. This hill is named this for a really good reason. It is a VERY steep hill and has pretty soft dirt. (at the top the altitude is about 9900 feet.) You have to be in extremely good shape to make it to the top of this hill even if you are walking, let alone with your bike. I have never been one to be in very good shape so this was a challenge for me. I remember complaining and cussing the entire way up. (Which felt like hours) I was slipping down the hill while walking my bike to the top. I felt like with every couple of steps I would take one step back. I wanted to turn around so bad. My family was ahead of me and kept encouraging me to keep going, and telling me that I was doing a great job. Finally I made it!

Here is where I want to add how this part of the journey helped me while trying to sort things out tonight. While going through life we will sometimes have our huge hills to climb. It will seem like it is impossible to reach the top. It will be tough along the way, and we will struggle to make it. You will always have your reasons why you want to turn back, but there will also always be people that have climbed that hill before encouraging you to keep going. They will tell you the great and wonderful things that you have done alone the way. If we keep trying and never give up we will make it! Then we can look down the hill and see how we have grown.

After Puke Hill there was a long stretch of trail that went across the ridge between the Salt Lake Valley and Park City. It was beautiful, with lots of wild flowers and trees. It was a nice and flat ride too. Nothing too crazy. Just as I was getting used to it, there was yet another challenge to overcome. I saw a bunch of people stopped and getting off their bike and putting them on their shoulders. I didn't really know what was going on until I got closer. The trail went across this small rocky ridge that was no more than a couple of feet wide. The catch was that on either side were cliffs that dropped about 100 feet. Most people were too scared to ride over this. So one at a time people would walk with their bikes on their shoulders over this ridge. My husbad had already gone across and then it came my turn. I was scared to death! I was so afraid that I was going to slip and fall off this path and go tumbling down either cliff. So what did my sweet husband do? He put his bike down, hiked back across to carry my bike for me so I could climb across with out it. (what a sweetie!)

Here again is another lesson that I learned tonight. When you think that life is going smooth and easy there will most likely be some type of trial ahead. One that if you don't walk carefully through, you may slip and fall and get hurt. If you take it easy and one step at a time you can make it through ok. Once again, there will be someone there to hold your hand and guide you through. These trials are hard, and they are scary, but in the end you can look back and see the clear path. You may even see people that need your helping hand. Reach back and help them through. Your experiences are there to not only help you, but to help others too.

Shortly after that we were on the decend onto the Mill Creek Trail. Down hill is the BEST! I love it because you get to go fast, and jump down the natural steps in the tree stumps and rocks. On this day there were lots of mud puddles to go jumping in too! It was so much fun! We made it through that canyon in no time at all. We wrode all the way to one of our cars that was parked at the mouth of the canyon. I remember getting off my bike and being so tired after riding for hours that I laid down on the sidewalk. While laying on the sidewalk it started to rain. Just a little bit. It was a warm rain, and it felt so good to just lay there and let it rain on me. It was refreshing.

Last lesson of the journey. There is times in life that we get to be rewarded for all our hard work. Going fast down hill is the small reward for all the hard work peddaling uphill. I am not saying that once we reach the top that we will fall back down. We need to look at life like a mountain range. It is never just up and down. There are hills and ridges, and cliffs, and valleys. They continue up and down for as far as the eye can see. We work hard to go up, to overcome the trials that are on our path. We should be able to enjoy coming down too. To see what we have learned. To be gratefull that we were given the new light on things, that we were shown a different side of life. Things aren't always going to be easy, but they aren't always going to be rough either. We need to hang in there and try to learn from every trial and every mistake. And most importantly we should try to reach out to those that are trying to help.

Sorry this post is so long. I really needed to write it to find my own strength in the trials that I am facing now. Thank you all for baring with me through it!




Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Does anyone know?

My little dude asked me the other day if I knew where the Easter Bunny lives. I didn't have a clue what to tell him. I thought if I told him that he lives in the North Pole with Santa then he would ask lots more questions that I couldn't answer. So I am asking the internet. Internet, does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

American Idol Junky!

I have a confession to make. I am an American Idol Junky. I have been addicted since the first season when I fell in love with Kelly. Now I am 26 years old and I still call in my vote every Tuesday night. My husband laughs and thinks that I am being very teenager-ish. (funny word that is) I don't really care though because every Tuesday and Wednesday night I am glued to the tv and he is sitting there right next to me. He would never admit that he likes it though. It isn't manly enough for him I guess. He thinks it is funny to ask "How's your boy Chris? Still think he's hot?" Yes, yes I do. Well he sings great too! He had me from his first raspy note of that Rascal Flats song he sang at the audition. What a rocker!

After Mandisa got kicked off last week you really don't know what is going to happen now. I was shocked, she was one of the better ones. So all day tomorrow I will be sitting on pins and needles hoping that Chris didn't get voted off. Yes I am being teenager-ish, but you know, at least I am not watching Big Love.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

A day of sorts.

Have you ever had a morning where you just didn't want to get out of bed? You didn't get much sleep so you try so squeeze ever last minute in that nice warm comfy bed. You roll over to try to hid your eyes from the morning sun shinning in through the window, then you realize that there is puke in your bed. So you jump out of bed to start a day that will now have a wonderful trend. Welcome to my morning!

Instead of teaching ABC's or subtraction I got to teach my little dude how to puke in the toilet. I also get to explain why when you are sick and you start to yell and throw a fit that you sometimes mess your pants. I also get to comfort when there are all sorts of accidents in his bed during nap time (and by all sorts I mean ALL SORTS!) (yes that one too) instead of getting upset.

I feel really bad for him! I really do. It is hard to see him so sad, and so tired and so not climbing on everything. He couldn't pick a better day to be sick though. It snowed the entire day! Some parts of the valley got more than 6 inches of snow! WHAT THE FREEKING HECK! (I am so Utahn when I say that!) We are going to have more snow for Easter than we did for Christmas! Good thing I haven't planted my garden yet!

One more to add to the Silly things my 3 year old says.

"I can't start on fire when I fly."

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

One just like me!

When I was little my mom used to tell me that you could just see the mischief in my eyes. This is very true, you can look at a picture of me from when I was little and you can see it! Right there in my bright blue eyes. You could see that I was going to be giving my parents trouble. And I did! I lived up to that instinct that my parents had. As I got older they used to tease me and tell me that I was going to be "blessed" with a child just like me someday. I used to laugh and say, oh they will be so cute! Well, can I just say now that I AM NOT LAUGHING!

My little princess is absolutly adorable! She really is! I have only mentioned a few things that she has done in the past. Things like getting into my makeup all the time, painting herself with fingernail polish while I am in the shower. Like drenching the birds in Resolve. There are a few things that I haven't mentioned though. Things like coloring on every wall in my living room with a crayon. Or coloring on my oak kitchen table with marker. Like cleaning her bed room door with scrubbing bubbles and MY TOOTH BRUSH. Or taking off all her clothes and standing in the corner of her room naked and peeing on the floor. Maybe I should also mention the time that she got into daddy's reces peanut butter cups and ate them on daddy's pillow COVERING it with chocolate. One of her new favorite things is to throw her lunch across the kitchen. She also really likes to climb to the top of her toy shelves in her closet and pull all her clothes off the hangers. Today she dumped a bottle of water all over her blanket and pillow that she had taken into my bedroom and had it spread all over the floor. Another favorite toy of hers is to unwrap all my tampons. (hummmm) Oh yea she also likes playing in the garbage. She pulls things out and spreads it all over the house. She really is cute though! But just like me??????

I must say, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO MY PARENTS! Ok maybe a few!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Silly things that my 3 year old little guy has said to me.

"I see the banana in the sky! Look up there!" (speaking of the moon.)

"[Sister] if we be good we can have a treat ok, so stop yelling."

"Mommy, who made the outside?"

"I don't want to brush my teeth. I did it last year."

"Mommy, why is the moon broken?"

"Watch out there are cars on the road! Let's jump over them."

"Are we up or down?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are we up or down?"
"I don't know, bud."
"Well, just pick one mommy."

"Do I have my sister in my tummy?"

"When I'm a girl can I have a sister in my tummy?"

"Daddy, when I get big I will drive you to get a hamburger."

Pointing to his belly button "If this falls off will spiders come out?"

"If I eat my food, hair will come out on my chest."

"Is this popcorn making me big?"

"Mommy, when is the plane bringing daddy home from space?"

"Mommy, there's a worm in my cereal. I don't want to eat it, it looks yucky." (He is very picky when it comes to food, and has quite the imagination. This should be a whole other post on it's own.)

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Inspiration

The church held it's 176th General Conference this weekend. I was very happy that I was able to listen to all 4 sessions because this usually doesn't get to happen. I feel very blessed to be able to hear what the leaders of the church had prepared for us. I realized a few things about myself, my family, and my faith that I really needed to come to terms with. All in all it was wonderful and uplifting!

I had a thought in the first session on Saturday morning that inspired me. Here it is. "Choose you this day whom ye will serve. As for me in my house we will serve the Lord." I have heard this scripture many times before, but it was a great reaminder for me. It inspired me to change some ways of discipline, a few thoughts, and a few ways that we run our home. The last couple of weeks have been really hard. The kids have been really sassy, and down right mean. This makes for a mean mommy. I feel that I am always yelling at them, and telling then to stop what ever it is that they are doing. I hope that with some of the new ideas that I have had things will be a little bit easier. This house needs to be a happier place to be!

I feel very uplifted today, I just hope that as the week goes on I don't loose this feeling. There is nothing better than to get inspiration from higher up, the man that knows all. He knows what I am going through. He knows how I feel. He knows what is best for me! I will accept his advice ANY time!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Honk if you feel my pain.

The kids got new beds! This is great news becuse they have needed the new beds for awhile now, but we haven't been able to find the "right" beds. We did find some we liked on Saturday and they were delivered yesterday. The kids had been really excited to get their new beds until it was bed time. I had spend a good portion of the day getting their sheets washed and their rooms put back together. Then when we said that it was time for bed they did nothing but cry and throw fits. It took us forever to get them to lay down and try them out.

Daddy was in little princess' room for a few hours trying to get her to go to sleep. Little dude just cried for a bit, but came into our room at about 3 because he was "sick" (that is his way of saying that he wants to be in our bed not his). I took him into his bed again, and he just cried, and cried. Which woke up his sister and made her cry. While I tried to get her back to sleep, I decided that I was going to give up. I took my little princess into our bed to cuddle with daddy. Then I cuddled with little dude in his bed. I ended up sleeping half the night in his bed. By 6:30 I couldn't sleep anymore. I was too annoyed. So I got up to clean my house. Wonder what today is going to be like? I will need to cancel my guitar lessons just to take a nap with the kids.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Sometimes we just need a break.

My little dude had the chance to spend the night with my parents last night. This was so nice and very needed on many levels. He got to spend all day with Grandpa, and he loved every minute of it. Mommy got to spend all day with little princess and no one even cried. We went shopping, went to a friends house, went to lunch and went to see daddy at work. It was really fun to just spend time with her. We don't get to do that very often.

When it came time to pick up my little dude, he was in such a great mood. He was nice to his sister, he was sharing better, and he wasn't hitting. It was funny because he wouldn't stop talking about all the things he did. What he had to eat, where he slept, every little detail. I loved it.

I think that he just really needed a break from mommy, and the same four walls that he is confined to every day. I almost wanted to ask my dad if he could stay longer, but I really did miss him. He wakes up every morning and comes into my bed and cuddles with me for a little while. I missed that this morning. The first words that come out of his mouth every moring is "where is daddy?" but instead my little princess was asking "where's [little dude]?" (she doesn't call him that. She used his real name) It was a little sad. When we went to the store I even missed him asking me for a treat every minute or so. I think that we really needed this time away from each other so we could realize that we can, and will miss eachother.

Now that he is home he was even willing to clean his room, and help his little sister. I am not sure how long this will last, but I will take what I can get!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Let's Share Dinner!

Ok I had so much fun with my last post and the emails that I got, that I decided to start another blog. Recipes to Share or Let's Share Dinner. I am really excited about it and I hope that you will all stop over and check it out. I will need everyone's help with it to make it fun.

Go check it out and send me emails of your favorite recipes!
Let's Share Dinner

Saturday, March 25, 2006

It's dinner time!

Ok, I think that I am going to change things up a bit. I have been thinking of new things to make for dinner. I am tired of the same old things. Does anyone have any great recipes that they would like to share? Some thing fun, easy, tasty, anything. This will be fun to see what kinds of recipes I get!

If you want to email them you can send them to pittakgr@hotmail.com .

Friday, March 24, 2006

Oh here I am!

This week has been pretty crazy. My internet has been down all week so I have been going nuts! So today's post is going to be about all the things that I wanted to post about all week. Some parts are kinda funny, some are only funny to those that weren't involved, and some parts are just kinda sad. So here we go. Enjoy!

A few weeks ago I caught my little princess in my lipstick. She used the entire tube by trying to put it on. She has done things like this all week. I bought all brand new makeup on Friday and Monday morning she got into it and used everything that I bought on herself and for some reason the carpet. It isn't all gone, but I was still pretty mad. Then yesterday while I was in the shower she got the fingernail polish out and painted her entire body. She has been really keeping me busy! It is hard to be mad though, because she just wants to be pretty and wear make up. Check out this picture that I took of her with the lipstick. What do you think the look in her eyes mean?



So we move onto my Wild Indian. He is being just exactly that! WILD! WILD! WILD! I just don't know what to do with him when he is that wild. We are working on it though, and it is getting warmer outside. So maybe we are getting closer to a solution. We shall see.

Every spring time my husband gets really excited to start on all his yard projects. Well, this year he has a little help from a friend that owns a landscaping business. (and has a bobcat) Last Saturday his friend came over and they came up with this idea to make the pond in our back yard bigger. They got all excited and decided that they were going to start on it that day. I have always loved that my husband was spontaneous, but I must say that this was a little ridiculous. First of all the snow had just barely melted. Second, there was no more than 10 minutes of planning beforehand. Third, I am still not sure why they decided to use the bobcat to dig it up. They weren't supposed to be digging very much. So with the result of #1 and #2 they got the bobcat stuck in the back yard. The ground was way too soft still and it got VERY stuck. It was quite the site so of course I had to take pictures. Check out the slideshow. I guess we can still say that boys like to play in the mud!

View Stuck Bobcat Slideshow.


So with all that was going on this week I was still really grumpy. Yesterday my little dude slammed my little princess' hand in the front door. I had to take her to the doctor becuase I wanted to make sure that she didn't break a bone. She was in so much pain. It made me cry to see her so sad and so hurt. Her thumb nail is very black and she cries every time anything brushes up against it. But just before I was getting ready to leave some dropped off a beautiful basket of cookies and stuff inside. I don't know who it is from, but it had a card on it that said "Have a nice day" Once again I cried. It was so nice to know what someone was inspired to do this for our family becuase we have all been a little grumpy. If the person that sent it is reading this please know that it was such a lovely thought, and we enjoyed it very much! It brought such a wonderful spirit into our home. Thank you!



Well I think that is it for now. I always feel better after talking about the things that are on my mind. Thank you internet for letting me share a bit of my craziness.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Blah Blah Blah

Dumb name for a post, I know. It is kind of this little joke that my friend and I have going. When we are bored and have nothing to say we just say "Blah Blah Blah" Well, I have a little bit more to say than blah blah blah. Infact, I have a ton on my mind. This post is going to be about a few things, so the best I could come up with was that.

As we all know, I can not wait for spring. I want to let my litte dude out side to play. For now on I think that I am going to call him my wild indian. He has way too much energy. He is really driving me crazy! I feel like I am always yelling at him to "get down" or to "stop hitting" or "calm down you are too wound up". Today I took him to the doctor for his 3 year check up. While we were there he was so crazy that the doctor told him that it isn't nice to hit. Then we went to grandpa's house and we had to leave becuase he was being to crazy. I am starting to get really embarrassed when he acts up like that. I feel like everyone around is thinking about what kind of mother I am. Or thinking that they need to say something to him because what ever mom is saying is obviously not working. I really don't know what to do. This sucks because it isn't like potty training, I knew he would get that eventually no matter what method I used. With this though, however I try to fix this problem it will in a way form how he reacts to things. I can't screw up. In some ways I feel like I already have though. AAAAGGGGHHHH! I hate not knowing how to fix things!

My little princess is being very needy and very moody lately. She will cry over anything. She usually is the sweetest little thing, but I think that she has been picked on way too many times so now it is starting to make her a little sassy. In some ways I think that it is good. Some ways I think that is sucks! She has been getting into everything lately. I can't keep up with her. In the last week she has colored on every wall in my living room. Ruined an entire tube of lipstick by tying to put it on. She has made the new world record for taking the couch cushions off the most amount of times. And has dumbed two cups of Dr. Pepper on the floor. Oh, and she won't keep her clothes on to save her life. This is something that I will not tollerate! I have a neice that takes her clothes off all the time, and I swore that I will never let my child do that. I do win this battle with my littl girl, but still. It is an on going battle.

I have no solutions to any of these things. I don't want to effect my kids in a bad way, but freaking out is the only thing that comes to mind. I do have two short term solutions to my grumpiness though. First is to climb into bed with a HUGE bowl of chocolate ice cream (the cure for any bad mood). The second is to book my trip to Mexico! I need a vacation!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

In Memory of Kirsten Jordan.

This post will be very hard for me, but I have been thinking about it for a week or so now. So bare with me while I get out a few emotions.

Tomorrow, March 17th, is the birthday of a true friend of mine that past away a year and a half ago. She was very tragically killed in a car accident on her way home from a family vacation to Hawaii. She had left behind a very amazing husband, and her 7 month old daughter. At the time my daughter was only 4 months old. Before she died we spent many hours on the phone together talking about our babies. We had all these plans for them to be best friends growing up. Even while we were pregnant we went shopping for all those cute little outfits for our girls. Our friendship was growing stronger through the bond of motherhood. She was an amazing friend.

Two days before she left for Hawaii, I called her because I really needed someone to talk to. I had been suffering from Post Partum Depression, and had just recently been trying to get help. She was some what of a social worker and always gave great advice, and had a laugh the would brighten anyone's day. I was feeling really down about myself and I knew she would cheer me up. I remember telling her how I felt so inadequate as a mother because I couldn't handle my heavy load. I remember saying to her "I don't see why I am the only mother in this world that can't do it. I see people every day handling more than me. Why is it that I can't do it?" What she said to me next were words that ring through my head often. Not only because it was the last thing that she said to me, but because they are words of wisdom. Words that made me realize so much about motherhood. She said "What you don't realize is that there are people out there that look at you and think, If she can do it. So can I." What she made me realize is that I will never know anyone's true feelings. I can not live my life looking at other people and wanting to be like them. I can just try my hardest and hope and pray that it is enough.

The day that I got the news that she had been killed. I shut down. I could not imagine life without my kids. I couldn't imagine leaving my kids behind. I couldn't help but to constantly think of her daughter that was now having to grow up without her mother. I thought of her husband and how he was feeling to have lost the love of his life at such a young age, but having to be strong for his daughter. I was so sad to have lost such a close friend. To know that she wouldn't be there anymore was so much more than I could bare. I cry to this day thinking about all the emotions that I felt. I take comfort to know that she is watching over me and all of her family and friends. I take comfort in remembering the wisdom that she shared with me, and how much she touched my life. I take comfort in knowing the legacy that she left behind through her daughter and by just being who she was.

I miss her so much every day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her, that I don't hear her laugh. I can't wait for the day that I get to see her again. But until then she has given me the strength to be a better mom. To accomplish more things. To overcome more obstacles. To just be me. What a legacy!

I love and miss you Kirsten! Happy Birthday!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

We all get to fight giants!

I bought this hilarious new movie for my kids. Junior's Giants It is about a kid named Junior that has a problem with his temper. It starts off with Junior sitting in a church class learning about the story of David and Goliath. The teacher tells the story then says:

"Every one of us will have a chance to fight our own giants."

Junior raises his hand and asks "Will I get to fight a giant?"

The teacher says "Well metaphorically, yea."

Junior raises his hand again and asks "What's a metaphore?"

The teacher axplains it to him. Then obviously confused Junior says "So to be clear, do I get to fight any giants yes or no?"

The teacher says "Umm, Yea!"

Junior's reply "THAT IS SO AWESOME!"

This is so funny to me because Junior just doesn't get it. In the movie every time he looses his temper he has to go fight a little, Scottish giant named "Tude". (Yes he is little and Scottish) He getts bigger and harder to fight as Junior's temper gets more out of control. This really is a funny movie, but it has been really good for my kids, and for me. It has made me think a little about the giants that I have fought in the past and the best way to overcome them.

I feel that I have fought many giants, and I feel that there are more to come. That is all about learning and growing and living life. I have even been fighting my own "Giant, Tude" lately. (I am not so sure that mine is Scottish though) I think this story is great because it shows that sometimes our giants really do start out small, but we are making them bigger with how we react to them. They are easier to fight when they are small, but we don't realize then that it is even a fight. If we try to fight them when they are big, at that point it is overwhelming and seems impossible to fight.

What is the solution then? Well, for Junior his friend gave him some great advice. He said "Live and Let God." Junior didn't know how to do that so he asked his mom. She told him that he needs to start by praying. She also told him a scripture that is in the Bible "The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,and self control. If we live in the spirt, let us also walk in the spirit." So here is my advice to myself and to anyone else that may be having this same problem. Anytime that I hand my problems over to God it always seems better. I want to try to live and walk in the spirit. All of these things will help me be a better person. It will help me with anger, confusion, jealousy, bitterness, loneliness, sadness, anything that may be troublesome. This scripture, I feel, is the outline for a happy, healthy, peaceful life. Let us all "Live and Let God"!

Monday, March 13, 2006

What a weekend!

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. We have been out of town. We went up to Idaho where my father-in-law has a ranch. It is always fun to visit them and wonder around in the most beautiful country they live in.

The kids were wonderful all weekend! I was really proud of them. Daddy and Grandpa made a fireplace mantel. The kids and I made cookies with grandma, watched some movies, colored a bit, and went sledding. Well, it was more like being pulled behind a 4 wheeler on a sled. It was a blast though! We all has so much fun!

Here is a little slide show of the pictures that I took. They were taken with our little handheld camera and I was sitting on the back of the 4 wheeler taking most of them so they aren't the best quality.

In some of the pictures you will see the horses that were following the kids around. They thought that was pretty neat! You will also be able to see how beautiful that place is! I love going there any time of the year. It is so peaceful and absoluty beautiful!

View Idaho Slideshow