A Really Big Problem

Ok D-Moms I really need your help. We have an ongoing problem with my Little Man. He is obsessed with sneaking food. It is such a huge problem. Let me remind you that he is 4. A little too young to understand ALL of what diabetes entails, but you would think that after a year of having diabetes he would understand a little...right? We have a lock on the pantry door. We have hidden the key because he has figured out how to pick the lock. He gets into the fridge and even eats frozen foods out of the freezer. ANY type of food he finds he eats it...no matter what it is. He gets into my purse, diabetes bag, backpacks, and church bags and eats all the low snacks I have for him and his sister. Then I never have a low snack for when we are out and we need one. We hide things in the oven, on top shelves and behind locked doors. This doesn't stop him. If there is something left out by accident he eats as much as he can. For example, he took fruit snacks to school for his VIP treat. He had some left over that I forgot to lock up before I got into the shower. (I know it's my fault I left them out) But he didn't just eat one package of them...NO...he ate THE REST OF THE BOX! That is 7 bags of fruit snacks!!! This is not just a one time thing. I feel it is almost a sickness. Or his personal challenge in life...something that goes deeper than diabetes. I talk food with this kid a good 80% of the day. He is ALWAYS wanting something to eat. We have meal time and snack time but this doesn't mean anything to him. He gets into trouble, I talk with him, I try to teach him but NOTHING is working. 7 bags of fruit snacks.... I don't even know what to do at this point? Dose him for all 7 bags? 140 carbs worth? This kid doesn't even eat more than 70 carbs in a meal usually. Damnit I hate diabetes! I just got so mad at him. He is sitting in a time out crying. I am crying out for help with tears in my eyes trying to get control of myself. I hate that he doesn't get it. I hate that I have to tell him that this could make him sick...or even kill him. I hate that he is 4 years old and has to deal with diabetes at all. I hate it!!! I HATE IT!! What do I do???

Taking a look back.

Little Man's birthday is on Monday. I can't believe he is going to be 4! I know every year on any of my kids birthday's I say that. It's true though. The time seems to be flying by faster and faster. I really hate it!

I am trying to get some pictures together for his VIP poster for preschool. Well guess what? I don't have any. I had them all on my laptop and an external hard drive that died. We backed up what we could and I THOUGHT I had them. For some reason I can't find them. I have two external hard drives sitting here WITH NOTHING ON THEM! I am almost to tears. This would be the 3rrd time they would be lost if they really are, gasp, lost for good. :(

So I am stuck looking back on my blog in hopes I can copy some pictures off it to print some for the poster. I started way back to my posts in 2007 when little man was born. I started reading the posts from the days before he was born. Then "IT" happened. I got all teary eyed thinking of how much my kids have grown up. Looking at the pictures is supposed to make me happy isn't it?

I want to be happy, I do. I am proud of my kids. They are good kids. It's just when I look at them I feel an extreme amount of guilt. I see pictures of Little Dude and remember things that have happened when he was so little and think "Oh I expected so much of him. He was just so little. How could I have done that?" I see pictures of the Princess and can't help but think she was so carefree. Diabetes didn't plague her life back then. Pictures of Little Man make me feel sad to think that maybe I didn't cherish every moment long enough. I almost don't remember...

Thinking about all this is hard enough and now thinking that I don't have copies of these super cute pictures of my kids makes me heart hurt. REALLY bad. If I can barely remember now, how will I ever remember without the pictures.

With that said. I am going to copy and repost some of these pictures that have brought tears to my eyes today. I will post a link to the original post so you can head back into time with me.

~Little Princess and one of my favorite moments with her. Watching her play dress up. Check out the original post for more adorable pictures

~Little Man and his blessing pictures. He was so little and handsome. Here is the full post.

~Little Dude learned to ride his bike so fast. I knew this was going to be something that he loved to do. Original post
~Little Man has always had the best smile. One day I just wanted to take pictures of him, he had just turned 6 months old. I can't help but smile when I see this face. Who knew diabetes was going to effect his life too. :(

This photo shoot for our Christmas cards was a very difficult one. I remember being so frustrated. Looking back I should not have been so hard on them. I went home thinking I didn't get a single good picture. Well I was wrong THESE pictures turned out to be one of my favorite ones we have.

~Little Dude has always been such a big helper from such a young age. This is him helping remodel the bathroom at the age of 4.

I could do this all day long, but I guess you will have to just check things out on your own. I do want to post one more.

~This is an experience with Little Dude that I think about often. He and I were having a rough day. I am forever grateful for my inspiration to handle things in a little different way. Check out the story.

An Update!! For REALS!! :)

Hey there long lost blogging land!

No excuses this time, just out of habit. I think about posting all the time. BUT spare time is hard to come by these days. Anyway, I just thought I would post a quick update. There are so many things that are going on so I might be a bit vague on my update just so I don't post a SUPER long post that will bore you to death. SO if you want more info JUST ASK! :)

To start:

My Hubby~ He has one more month of the Police Academy!! YAY! He has passed all his qualifying shoots and is doing an awesome job on everything else. HE LOVES IT! I should really post a picture of him in his uniform cuz he looks super hot! He has a job interview with South Salt Lake PD next week and is filling out the back ground check for Utah Highway Patrol. Now if he gets the job with UHP he could be stationed ANYWHERE in Utah. Yes that even means the smallest of smallest towns in Southern Utah. So we will see what happens, but the chance of him getting a job there is better than we first thought...we will see.

Me~ Well, I am just busy trying to keep up with life. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, homework, diabetes and such. Wendy and I have some little "works in progress" that I have been working on too. It's been fun! I also have been working with the young women in my ward. They keep me busy, but boy do I love it! I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my nephew Max who will hopefully be here really soon! After he is born I get to babysit him a few days a week...I can't wait!

Little Dude~ He had a birthday! He is now 8! I can't believe it! He had a fun party with friends at the local pool and we celebrated with family too! He was baptised on March 5th too! I am so proud of him for making that choice! What a good young man he is...well mostly. We do have a few problems that we are trying to work out. Like how bad he hates diabetes, and flat out refuses to talk about/help with/listen to anything related....oh this is a big issue. He LOVES cub scouts and earned his bobcat award the other day. He and daddy have been working on their pine wood derby cars too. OH THE FUN!

Little Princess~ She is as silly as ever. She just chopped off like 8 inches of her hair. She looks really cute! We are trying to get a CGM for her but the insurance is being a pain...funny, isn't that the story of my life? Her A1C dropped this last time from 8.1 to 7.1 (yay!) and is doing a good job learning to take care of a few things herself. I can't believe that at the age of 6 she could learn so much about diabetes. Her school is planning a fundraiser for the JDRF that we are in charge of. This should be really cool to get her involved, but could really back fire since her "I hate diabetes" brother goes to the same school.

Little Man~ It's always the same story with him. He gets into everything. I spend probably about 85% of my day talking food with this kid. He wakes up STARVING. I give breakfast and insulin and not 15 minutes later he is asking me what is for snack. I tell him to wait...he usually sneaks into something...then we give more insulin and a snack and 10 minutes later he wants lunch. It goes like this all day until dinner time and he WON'T EAT A THING. What a stinker. He is a funny kid though and is growing up. His 4th birthday is on Monday. I can't believe it! His A1C is doing great, but slowly climbing. up to 6.7 now. This is the highest he has ever been. He still hates site changes and getting his fingers poked but I don't blame him. It sucks. I can't believe he has been pumping for almost a year!

So that is where we are. Nothing too fab to report, but hey I had to post something. Hopefully I will update with pictures next time!

Dear Blog,

I haven't forgotten about you.

Infact I have missed you.

There are lots of things that I need to get caught up on then I will be happy to join you again.

Just give me just a few more hours....ok maybe days.

Lots of Love,
MommyGoingCrazy

The things that I love today.

1~ Diet Mtn Dew (My first love is Dr. Pepper, but why does Diet Dr. Pepper have to taste so nasty?)

2~ Pandora.com I can't get enough of it!

3~ My mom's Cricut. Oh boy, I think I will need one someday.

4~ Good ideas for my Young Women's lesson tomorrow.

5~ My hubby coming home from school super early today.

6~ Wet Ones individualy wrapped hand wipes.

7~ This super cute song that I just stole from Rhoda's blog. SUPER CUTE!

and
8~ RedBox, Netflix, and Hulu Plus...enough said.

Hope everyone is having as fabulous day as I am.

Gonna need a nap by 3:00 for sure.

It's Endo appointment day.

I almost dread this day in a way. First, it's a really big pain in the butt to take both the kids at the same time. I have tried separate appointments, but that is almost as big of a pain. So taking them together is how we are going to do it...for now.

Second, getting the info, and the blood sugar logs together are a huge chore sometimes. I am not the best at writing things down unless I feel that a trend needs some extra attention. Every month I have been downloading the number from the meter, but for some reason it isn't working. I have talked with Animas and there is a problem with the Princess' meter, there is also a problem with the Little Man's pump. So in the next few days we will be getting one of each as a replacement. In the mean time I get to manually enter in all the blood sugar numbers. I just entered two and a half weeks and it took me an hour. Not fun! Oh well.

Also since the kids have been having awful numbers I have been telling myself all week that I am awesome! Ha ha, this is so my self esteem won't be ruined when their A1C's go up.

So I am going to make sure I have books, paper and crayons for the kids to keep them entertained, and a huge Diet Mt. Dew (trying to be good, and diet Dr. Pepper sucks!) for me and the massive headache I am sure I will have by the end of the appointment. Wish me luck!

Rocky, Steph and baby Max... TRUE LOVE FOREVER

I haven't posted much about this on my blog. There really isn't any reason why, I just hadn't really had the right words to express my feelings. It has been on my mind a lot lately, so I thought today I would give it a chance.

Almost one year ago (Feb. 26 2010) my sweet sister in law (seen above) married the sweetest and most wonderful man, Rocky. They had met at school at a time when they needed each other so badly. They were perfect for each other. They made some amazing goals together and set out on a path that was leading them both to eternal happiness. They really were so in love.

Just as they were getting their lives started together his tragically ended. On July 17, 2010 Stephanie woke up when Rocky never did. He was 27 years young. It was the most horrible day anyone could have ever imagined. It was gut wrenching to see Steph heart broken that her true love was no longer going to be with her. It was so hard to know that we didn't get much time to know him. We loved Rocky so much, he was apart of the family instantly, and the thought of never seeing him again was so sad. Seeing his mother and sisters mourn for him is still so hard. He was an amazing man, and still to this day I miss him dearly.

The day after she buried her husband, Steph found out she was going to have their first baby. Such a bitter sweet moment. He would have made and amazing dad. Steph feeling so alone, yet still able to keep a part of him to hold forever. Everyone's emotions were all over the place.

Baby Rocky Maxwell (Max) will be here before we know it. I can't wait to meet him, and snuggle with him, and kiss on him, and babysit him. As wonderful as his arrival will be, I don't know how to prepare myself for the feelings that I might have. Joy or sorrow? Both I am assuming. Either way, he is a little miracle baby.

Steph is such an amazing woman. She still builds people up even while she is grieving. Her example of faith, and love is empowering. She was able to go through the temple in October. What an experience that was. Even though some days are a struggle to get through, I still couldn't be more proud of her. I will never be able to imagine what she has gone through and how she feels, but I can be grateful for all that she has done for me. Just thinking of her love and friendship for me brings tears to my eyes. Boy do I love that girl. She is going to be an wonderful mother.

I miss Rocky so much. I wish he was here. I keep his picture on my dresser and can still feel him guiding me somedays, especially when it comes to my worry and concern for Stephanie. The next few months we will celebrate Steph and Rocky's one year wedding anniversary without him. His baby will be born without him. Steph will be a single mother. But there is a little more to look forward too. As we near the year anniversary of his death, Steph will take little Max to the temple so they will be sealed as a family for eternity.

My testimony of the temple is very strong, and in times like this it is proof as to why. This little family will have a change to be...well a whole family.

Irritated...when am I not?

~Wish my kids could come home from school with happier attitudes. Every day it's the same story. They don't want to do homework, or clean, or be nice, or not run, or listen, or not hit. The list could go on and on.

In a way I can see why this is, they have been trying to sit still for hours. They feel a little freedom when they get home. But we have rules. The very best time to do homework is when they get home from school. Any other time does not work. Trust me this is a proven theory. No playing until homework is done. Every day though they complain about doing homework then it takes them an hour which leads to no time to play. Ugh! Wish they could see what I see sometimes.

~I got a phone call today from the doctor's office. My insurance isn't going to pay for anything that I need to have done. And to top it off I have to pay it all in full the day of the procedure. Craptastic is the only thing I have to say about that. Hoping I don't have to have a hysterectomy, they won't pay for any of that either.

~The kids have their endo appointments on Thursday. The Princess' info isn't downloading from her tester. This is beyond annoying. I really don't want to write down all her numbers for the last few months. (I need 3 months for the CGM approval) Not only that, the Little Man's numbers have been awful. Trying to prepare my self esteem for crappy A1C's.

~The Princess has gotten in trouble two days in a row for talking out of place at school. Each time she claims that her blood sugar has been high, which it probably was, but how often can she use that as an excuse? Can I tell her to learn to control it? Is that too much to ask? Stupid diabetes.

~Something is going on with Little Dude. He has been insanely CRAZY. Not sure how to help him.

On a lighter note. I have the best hubby, family and friends in the entire world. :)

Lost? What?

WARNING: This post might have a little TMI.

If at the end of this post you feel like you know a little too much about me/are grossed out/or annoyed then all I have to say is that I WARNED YOU!

So on with my story.

Ever lost anything?

Like REALLY lost?

I loose things all the time, that's nothing new. But honestly today when I woke up I wasn't aware that I was even missing something, but as the day went on what I had lost had taken over my entire day.

Let me explain.

I hadn't been to see the "lady doctor" in a really long time. I haven't had insurance for a few years, remember. Well today was the day. I needed to go in. I have an IUD that I wanted replaced (hate the side effects) and well you know, I needed a check up. So we talked for a bit about other options for the IUD. I was going to have it out in a week and a new one (that doesn't suck) put in, but he still needed to do a check up.

With out too much info let me just say that the words "we have a problem" is not something you want to hear while laying with your knees open and the bright light shinning up... your nose. Our little problem was, well, the doctor couldn't find my IUD...anywhere.

My first thought was "does this even happen to people? Or just people with my kind of luck?"

He wanted me to have an ultra sound done right away. I picked up the little man from school and frantically tried to find a sitter for him (thanks Amy, Mallory, and Tyler!). I refused to take him. I drank as much water as I could and an hour later I was laying on a table, with my knees open again, getting the "fun kind" of ultra sound.

To make a long story short they found it. Sorta. They actually couldn't see all of it. It had traveled a little farther North than it should be. I have to have it removed, but they don't know if it has tried to attach itself or not, that was the one thing they couldn't tell. So I have to have a "procedure" done next week to see if they can just take it out. If it has attached, then I get to have a hysterectomy. Sounds exciting huh?

Again I sit here wondering, how do the strange things always happen to me? CRAZY!

Back to School

Not a lot has happened in the last couple of days. Nothing blog worthy anyway. My kids are back in school after the holiday break. Little Man is loving it. He really missed it. The other two are having a hard time getting back into it. The crying when it's time to do homework has started all over again.

My hubby started back into school too. His schedule is going to be crazy this semester. School every single night and all day Saturday. I keep telling myself that I can do anything for a few months, and in April he will graduate the police academy. He has an interview with another police department next week. I am not holding my breath, but every time he interviews it helps him know what to look for. It would great if it works out, but if it is anything like the last department he interviewed and tested for then they will only take people that are out of the academy already. We will see though. He is still loving it. I can tell this is going to make him very happy.

As for me I am still just trying to keep going. Wendy and I met for lunch yesterday. I sure do love her. It is so great to be able to spend time with someone that totally understands. And let me tell you, her and I are very similar in eerie ways. We were meant to be friends her and I. I also went to the temple last night with my sister in laws Stephanie and Robin. It was great! And very needed.

That really is about it. Nothing too great to report, but sometimes that isn't always a bad thing.

New Years Day = Success

It was a beautiful day. The snow looked clean, the sun was bright, the family was happy, and honestly all seemed well.

I woke up a little later than normal, made yummy banana waffles with the family, went to a movie with my sister in law (got to touch her tummy lots, the baby is growing big) came home to a house full of food and family, then wound down the day with another movie at home. I don't know what that is going to symbolize for the new year other than I just wanted to take it easy. Not stress.

Diabetes played fairly nice. Not perfect, but nothing out of control. As far as I can hope the symbolism for that is we won't have another diagnosis in the family this year (hopefully not ever) and that we won't have anything too traumatic happen.

I feel good. Ready to take on the new year. Now I just need to get my resolutions down on paper. I always have been a "list" kind of gal.