Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Life isn't easy. Life isn't awful either.

Actually life seems to be looking up. Finally right? Well we have had to endure some pretty difficult things to get to this point. Each day we take one step closer down the path to better things. I need this little reminder. (like really really bad....cuz I TOTALLY LOVE IT) Oh and it really is a good reminder that I can do hard things. (btw it is my cute friend Kim that makes these beauties)

I have done hard things and have lived through it.

I have done hard things and have become stronger because of it.

I will always have to do hard things.

Because I have faith that everything is for a reason...I am ok with doing hard things.

It's all going to be worth it someday. This I know for sure!

Thursday, October 07, 2010

It takes 5 seconds to think of every possibility.

Poke finger.
Insert blood into test strip.
I've done this a million times. Normally it isn't a big deal. Well, I hope it isn't a big deal anyway. The glucose meter starts to count down.
My stomach starts to hurt in worry. My mind races through a million possibilities.
What was the last time we tested? Have I waited too long? Anything could happen to my darling diabetics in even a few minutes.
My palms start to sweat. I knees get a little wobbly.
Things haven't been looking so good lately. The numbers keep getting lower and lower. What will it be this time? Should I have juice and glucagon handy just in case it's really bad again?
I need to sit down, I just might be the one to pass out from stress through these 5 seconds, the longest 5 seconds in history.
Last time she was low, the juice, soda, chocolate milk and crackers haven't brought her up very much. That's not a good sign.
I hug her tight. Who knows maybe this will be the last time I get to hug her before she starts to have a seizure. I pray "Please God, bless my child that nothing horrible will happen to her."
What else can I do? I have tried everything. I have been trained to take care of her. I don't have time for the why me's yet. There is only one more second until I have to react.
Another low. No surprise. 9 lows in one day, and this being the regular for her is not a good sign. I can't help but wonder "What about next time?" Will she be ok next time?
The count down continues. When will this scary cycle end?