Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 Can Suck it.

No really it can.

It wasn't what I would call one of my better years.

My sister in law Jennifer has a funny little way of looking at the new year. Her theory is this "Whatever you do on the first day of the year represents how the rest of the year will be like." She spends all December long cleaning and organizing her house to make sure it is free from clutter on Jan. 1st. She is hoping that this will bring a clutter free home all year long. Her mother in law cooks and bakes yummy things for her family all day. Her hope is to have plenty for her family all year long. I thought this was an interesting way to look at things, but she swears by it, and says that it actually works.

Well, last year I thought I would give it a chance. I tried to clean my house, and I planned to do the things that I love the most on the 1st. The truth is though, as the hour approached to ring in the new year I was feeling so much anxiety. We had had a rough couple of years and I wanted so badly to be able to put it all behind us and move on. Problem was, I just didn't feel like it was over. I could tell that the worst was yet to come. I cried as the clock struck midnight.

I have spent the last 365 days on an emotional roller coaster.

2010 brought more stress than I thought I could handle. With still not making ends meet financially, battling insurance issues, quitting my job, 2 kids living with diabetes, selling/almost loosing our house, moving in with my parents, loosing my brother in law, finding out my sister in law will be raising her baby without his daddy, the kids rebelling/adjusting to our new living arrangements, giving our car back to the bank, the hubby back in school full time, and also trying to keep my emotional, unstable little self sane and out of the loony bin. Whew, just typing all that out made my blood pressure rise a bit. See why I can say 2010 can suck it?

So here I sit with 45 minutes to go until midnight. Ringing in 2011 isn't as ideal as I would like. My little portion of the basement is cluttered, I don't have any grand plans for tomorrow, my hubby is a little stressed out (the kids have been extra hyper tonight), and I haven't written a single resolution yet. Surprisingly I am feeling great. I do feel like the worst is behind us now. 2011 is the year of renewal. The year to break bad habits. The year to move on more improved than any other time in my life. The only way I want to spend January 1, 2011 is to be relaxed, loving, and happy. I don't think that's too much to ask for 2011 do you?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It might seem a little crazy that I wanted to switch back to this blog for all my postings. The fact is this, this blog is my home. This is where I started almost 6 years ago. I was MommyGoingCrazy long before I was a parent of two diabetics. Long before everything in life changed.

Over the past two years I felt like I had lost my purpose to blogging. Every post was more of a rant than anything else. Granted life was pretty difficult. I always go back and reread posts before life seemed to get intensely hard. I miss those times. In the past few year I haven't been able to open myself up completely. Posting every thing was hard, even though this blog is meant to journal our lives. My audience was listening, but I didn't feel I could get that personal. I eventually just stopped all together.

Even though life isn't the same as it used to be I still have a story to tell. I still want to journal our lives. The good and the bad. It is who we are, and what we are learning. There isn't anything wrong with that. People will always have their opinions, but I know more now who I am and why everything has happened the way it has.

Awhile ago someone thought they could get to me. They thought they could post a comment on my blog and destroy what I feeling. I let them get to me. It didn't change and facts about what I knew, but I took it personal. I suddenly realized that there were people out there that are bitter. It got under my skin and I fled. To a different blog where I thought it would be easier. It wasn't.

I am stronger now. I feel I can handle it. I missed what blogging was all about back then, so I decided to come back to my roots. To post like I used to. To open up more, and to share everything. So welcome back friends. I think I am here to stay.