Friday, December 31, 2010
It wasn't what I would call one of my better years.
My sister in law Jennifer has a funny little way of looking at the new year. Her theory is this "Whatever you do on the first day of the year represents how the rest of the year will be like." She spends all December long cleaning and organizing her house to make sure it is free from clutter on Jan. 1st. She is hoping that this will bring a clutter free home all year long. Her mother in law cooks and bakes yummy things for her family all day. Her hope is to have plenty for her family all year long. I thought this was an interesting way to look at things, but she swears by it, and says that it actually works.
Well, last year I thought I would give it a chance. I tried to clean my house, and I planned to do the things that I love the most on the 1st. The truth is though, as the hour approached to ring in the new year I was feeling so much anxiety. We had had a rough couple of years and I wanted so badly to be able to put it all behind us and move on. Problem was, I just didn't feel like it was over. I could tell that the worst was yet to come. I cried as the clock struck midnight.
I have spent the last 365 days on an emotional roller coaster.
2010 brought more stress than I thought I could handle. With still not making ends meet financially, battling insurance issues, quitting my job, 2 kids living with diabetes, selling/almost loosing our house, moving in with my parents, loosing my brother in law, finding out my sister in law will be raising her baby without his daddy, the kids rebelling/adjusting to our new living arrangements, giving our car back to the bank, the hubby back in school full time, and also trying to keep my emotional, unstable little self sane and out of the loony bin. Whew, just typing all that out made my blood pressure rise a bit. See why I can say 2010 can suck it?
So here I sit with 45 minutes to go until midnight. Ringing in 2011 isn't as ideal as I would like. My little portion of the basement is cluttered, I don't have any grand plans for tomorrow, my hubby is a little stressed out (the kids have been extra hyper tonight), and I haven't written a single resolution yet. Surprisingly I am feeling great. I do feel like the worst is behind us now. 2011 is the year of renewal. The year to break bad habits. The year to move on more improved than any other time in my life. The only way I want to spend January 1, 2011 is to be relaxed, loving, and happy. I don't think that's too much to ask for 2011 do you?
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Over the past two years I felt like I had lost my purpose to blogging. Every post was more of a rant than anything else. Granted life was pretty difficult. I always go back and reread posts before life seemed to get intensely hard. I miss those times. In the past few year I haven't been able to open myself up completely. Posting every thing was hard, even though this blog is meant to journal our lives. My audience was listening, but I didn't feel I could get that personal. I eventually just stopped all together.
Even though life isn't the same as it used to be I still have a story to tell. I still want to journal our lives. The good and the bad. It is who we are, and what we are learning. There isn't anything wrong with that. People will always have their opinions, but I know more now who I am and why everything has happened the way it has.
Awhile ago someone thought they could get to me. They thought they could post a comment on my blog and destroy what I feeling. I let them get to me. It didn't change and facts about what I knew, but I took it personal. I suddenly realized that there were people out there that are bitter. It got under my skin and I fled. To a different blog where I thought it would be easier. It wasn't.
I am stronger now. I feel I can handle it. I missed what blogging was all about back then, so I decided to come back to my roots. To post like I used to. To open up more, and to share everything. So welcome back friends. I think I am here to stay.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Actually life seems to be looking up. Finally right? Well we have had to endure some pretty difficult things to get to this point. Each day we take one step closer down the path to better things. I need this little reminder. (like really really bad....cuz I TOTALLY LOVE IT) Oh and it really is a good reminder that I can do hard things. (btw it is my cute friend Kim that makes these beauties)
I have done hard things and have lived through it.
I have done hard things and have become stronger because of it.
I will always have to do hard things.
Because I have faith that everything is for a reason...I am ok with doing hard things.
It's all going to be worth it someday. This I know for sure!
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Today is the Princess' 2nd day of first grade. I don't want to be THAT kind of mom that is constantly hovering over her child, and I thought we went over everything enough last week with the teacher and the school that I thought I didn't have to go to school today except for lunch.
My stomach got all in knots around 9:15 when I thought she would be getting tested. They were told to call me if her #'s were out of range, but if there were ok, then there was no need to call. By 9:30 I didn't get a call so I thought everything was ok. Well about 10:30ish I got a call that she was 40!!! I know!! I asked what she had to bring her back up. A few teddy grahams. I told her she needed a juice too and to call me again in 15 min after they tested.
I was headed to the school at about 11 so I could get her all set for lunch. I hadn't received a call yet by the time I got there and was panicking a little. I walked into the school and she was still in the office. This was more than 30 min since she had been first tested by the way. She had been down there for so long. They had just tested her again and she was at 118.
One of the ladies at the office told me that the Princess had refused to test at 9:15, then again at 9:30. Finally by 10 she agreed to test herself. What the heck? I am irritated that she would refuse to test. If she would have tested earlier maybe she wouldn't have dropped so low and wouldn't have missed so much school. I have no idea why she would do this, but the teacher thinks that maybe she was embarrassed in front of the other kids. (I am going in tomorrow to teach the class alittle about diabetes.) We decided that she is going to do all her testing at the office, and I will talk with her when she gets home to see what happened.
So back to giving her insulin for lunch. We decided we would let her try school lunch. Last night I printed up the menu and all the carb counts and let her decide what she was going to have. She decided that she wanted a chef's salad, applesauce, a roll and chocolate milk. Not too bad. When I got to the school today the nurse and I gave her the insulin and the nurse left. I hung around to see how this was going to go. When she got in there the school didn't have the same side dishes that they had on the menu. There wasn't applesauce at all. (remember I had already given the insulin, and THE only reason why I was still there is because this is her first week of school. There is no one there to watch her while she eats, I wanted to make sure she can do this on her own.) Since there wasn't applesauce she had to choose something else. They had strawberries, bananas and "trail mix". Let me interrupt to let you know that this "trail mix" was a a mixture of fruit loops, rice crispies and chocolate chips! What kid would choose strawberries or bananas over this? Either way let me do this. The applesauce was 20 carbs. The strawberries were 16. The bananas were 10 and the trail mix was 45!!!! Whatever she was going to choose since there wasn't applesauce, there was going to be a difference in carbs no matter what.
She choose the trail mix.
Do you know what hell we go through to get her blood sugar down after she eats cereal? It's awful.
Anyway, I was not trying to "hover" too much. I want so badly for her to not feel left out that I let her get what she wanted. However, I went home thinking there is no one there to watch these kinds of things happen. Watch her make choices like this because what the school said they were going to have as side dish choice they actually didn't have. Watch her eat her food to see what she actually eats. Watches to make sure she gets more insulin because what was available to her has a much higher carb count than what she got insulin for. Who is supposed to be the watcher? I think for now it is me.
I get to go to school every day for lunch with my 3 year old in tow.
Atleast until I figure this out.
But honestly, why do they think that a handfull of cereal is a side dish?
I am irritated on so many levels.
If my daughter wasn't diabetic I would be able to send her on the bus to 1st grade like every other parent. Let her have her space at school. Let her have whatever side dish she wants. Let her eat the snack before recess. She wouldn't get in trouble on the 2nd day of school because she is refusing to test her blood. I could let her get back on the bus and come home to a mommy that wasn't so tired and stressed.
Princess, Daddy and I got to go to a fancy dinner at La Caille for the JDRF.
The theme was Rock the Walk. It was at Wheeler Farm on Aug. 21st. I was on the Entertainment Committee with Wendy Cooper and LOVE LOVE LOVE it! We had been going to meetings since around May to plan it. We were in charge of getting the bands, the sound equipment, the bounce houses, the slides, the velcro wall, the bungee run, the super soaker course, the rock wall, and other little stuff. It was a big job, but honestly I would do it again in a heart beat!
The kids and I were able to go around to different businesses and talk about our lives with diabetes. This was to help get them excited about the walk and helping with fundraising as well. We started by going to Merit Medical way back in the Spring. They were one of the biggest sponsors of the walk. Because of this the kids were going to help with the ribbon cutting ceremony. We all got to be up there, but the kids were afraid of cutting their fingers on the HUGE scissors.
(Just to add so I can document this we went to Merit Medical, Taco Bell, Discover Card and American Express and talked to all of them about life with diabetes. I also got to be on a 30 min spot on the radio station X96. We feel lucky to have such great opportunities.)
There were over 6000 people at the walk. I feel it was a huge success. (Other than the grass being swamped the night before) Our team raised just over $1000!! I am so happy that we have such great support from family and friends that donated and came to the walk! It was a big deal for us even if it was our 2nd walk.
He was so excited to go to Amy's...err Mrs. Mitchell's class. He just LOVES her and her family! He started a few weeks ago before the other schools had started, so he even got to see Jessie (his 14 year old girlfriend)! I guess the first few days he would only let Jessie test him, not Amy. Silly kid would hide under the table if she would try. I always said he was a stinker.
He loves preschool and has already learned so much. Our favorite is his good manners and bad manners. We use that for everything. He thinks it is great to hold up his thumbs and tell us what he thinks about it.
He is a crazy kid, but I am so proud of him. He really can be sweet too, and I think that preschool will help balance this out. Amy has a big job, but I am sure he is better for her than for me. :)
Little Man, I love you. I love that you still fit in my arms just enough for me to snuggle at any point during the day. You have a very big mind full of lots of things, I hope that you will see how much fun learning is. You keep my life interesting and make me laugh every day. I love you lots kid! Be strong. Be good and be kind!
I only got one phone call from her asking if she could have the snack that the class was having. She hadn't tested or anything and the school didn't really know what to do. We got it worked out, but I am praying that if parents are going to bring snacks it is something healthy. I really hate it when she feels left out!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
He is now going to the same school that I went to elementary school at. He teacher is Mrs. Diamond. Now she is an older teacher, but I don't think that she was there when I was. It is crazy taking my kids there now and remembering all the things I do from school. It actually makes me feel really old.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
We have an understanding of how the school likes to have things done, and what we want done too. But I have one major problem I just can't seem to figure out. I need advice from my trusty D mom's to help me get through it.
Here's my problem...
I know, I know there are lots of ways that everyone does this. But hear me out first before I get swamped with emails.
First she is only 6. She has the basic understanding of how to count carbs, and for the most part she is pretty good at eating everything on her plate. Should I teach her how to handle this herself? Is she old enough to fully understand AND do it on her own? Or does she need to be supervised still? (I am thinking the later)
Second, we have the school nurse coming BEFORE lunch to give her insulin, BUT she can't stay to watch her get her food, or watch her eat it for that matter. WHO is responsible for making sure she eats what she was given insulin for and if not make any adjustments? Is this me? Do I need to go to school every day? Do I trust that it will be ok?
Third, Is it better for me to just send lunch every day? I found all the carb counts for school lunch. They have a pretty good selection, and Dude LOVES school lunch, but would it be easier to just send it every day?
HELP! I am meeting with the teacher and school nurse in a few hours and I am not sure how to handle it yet. SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!
Did I mention diabetes is going to give me grey hair?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
To bring you up to date...
Our house sold! It was a long and stressful process but it sold! We are relieved to have that chapter of our lives closed. We are now living in my mom and dad's basement. We really feel comfortable here. My mom and dad really are amazing and are being patient with us while we adjust. We have quite a bit of space, the kids love having grandma and grandpa close by, we are starting to make new friends, and most of all mom and dad feel like we can breath again. I asked the kids the other day what was their favorite part about living here and all of them said that they can ride their bikes around the shed through the gate by the trailer and through the gate again. They can, and have done this for hours.
My hubby got accepted to the police academy! He starts on Sept. 7th. When he made this decision we knew from the start that this was what he was supposed to do. It has been amazing to see him go through the process and really see things happen. It truly does show that the path has been laid out for him, he just had to find it and follow it. When he first applied for the academy it was full. The lady there told him that he could get all his info in to her though and they will hold it if a spot opened up. So he got it all in within a week. She was so impressed by his desire to get in and willingness to get everything into her that she kicked out a guy that hadn't done anything yet and put my hubby in instead. He was #50 accepted to the academy out of 50! He has all his gear and is ready to go. Even though he will be gone every night, I will miss him, but I am so excited for him too!
Our Walk to Cure Diabetes this year was a hit! Our team reached our goal in a very short amount of time, and we had lots of friends and family come and join us. Wendy and I had meetings all summer long to plan the entertainment. We were in charge of getting the activities, rock bands, sound equipment, and face painters. It was tough job, but working with Wendy and all the other committee members made it so much fun! It turned out great! (I will be posting a whole other blog post to this so stay tuned)
Little Man started preschool a few weeks ago. He LOVES Mrs. Mitchell!! He loves to see Jessie (his 14 year old girlfriend), Mallory and Tyler. Amy is the best teacher and just makes everything so fun! I loved when he came home the other day and put his tiny little thumbs up and said "good manners" then put his little thumbs down and said "bad manners". Just the way he said it was so cute! It has helped us to teach him quickly more about his manners just by a thumbs up or a thumbs down. He has been trying to count too. For some reason he just can't remember the #7. He is still a stinker. He still gets into everything, but I love him to death and I am really proud of him. He is handling his diabetes as well as a 3 year old can. Each day gets better, but his #'s are getting worse as he comes out of the honeymoon. Time to make some changes.
Little Princess is going pretty good. She had to get stitches the other day. (I have pictures I will post when I get them on the computer) Her brother was chasing her and she tripped and fell into the wall. 3 stitches right on her forehead. She lost her first tooth a few weeks ago too! She was so scared to have it pulled out. Finally grandpa was able to get it out. She is excited to start school on Friday! I am scared to death to send her to 1st grade! I know that it will work out though, it always does, it's just the adjustment period when we get into a routine that scares me. She has met a few kids here in the neighborhood and 5 of them are in her class at school! This will be really good for her. One little girl, Lillie, was asking all sorts of questions about her diabetes. Her mom is being so great to teach her what she can and to learn more about it herself. This has meant to world to me and will be helpful at school.
Little Dude is having the hardest time adjusting to the move. He is still so sad about leaving his best friend Nathan. We have tried to get them together to play still but he misses him so badly. He has met a friend, Hyrum, and plays with him when he can, but it isn't the same. Starting school tomorrow will be good for him. To have the structure and to meet new friends. He has lost his two top front teeth in the last 2 weeks too. He looks silly, just like I did when I was his age. He is growing up so fast.
As for me, I have just been busy. Now that the walk is over I hope to find more time to work out, and get a little more organized. I am happy with where we are at in our lives so I am striving to seek guidance every day.
This is where we are. Now maybe I can post every day and keep up with this crazy blog again.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
You see we were asked to go to American Express today and speak with the JDRF. We have been doing this quite a bit lately so I didn't really think much of it. But today something was a little off because almost everything that could have gone wrong did. I was late so I couldn't drop Dude off at the sitter like I had planned, and both kids were high when we got there. Let me rephrase that for those non diabetic families, blood sugar high, not the other kind of high. Anyway, while I was speaking the kids couldn't sit still. Walking all over circling my feet you name it. I think the speech went ok, but they were distracting. I even got asked if they have ADHD.
When it was over a man asked the kids if they wanted to go out and see the fish in the pond behind the building. This was part of why they couldn't sit still. They could see the pond from where they were sitting and just couldn't leave the window alone, they were dying to go outside. Almost as soon as he asked if they wanted to see it the boys ran for the door opened it up and set the dang fire alarm off. I was so embarrassed. It was worse than the time the Little Dude set off the fire alarm at McDonald's. This building was 10 times bigger with way more people. The kids got to see the fish, but I had to restrain myself from nudging the oldest while standing a little too close to the edge of the pond. That would teach him a lesson. (Just kidding by the way...well sorta)
Our escorts took us to the front doors to say thanks and goodbye. I gave my badge back to the security officer and he kindly unlocked the door for us to all go through. He very clearly said "don't go through the revolving doors, I opened the other door" I told my kids just in case they didn't hear to NOT GO THROUGH THE REVOLVING DOOR GO THROUGH THE OTHER ONE. They apparently had their own agenda and all three of them headed straight to the automatic revolving door. Dude made it through then sister came after. She made it through too. Little Man was about 2 steps behind her. He stuck his head in to get through in the same section as his sister and wouldn't you know the door slammed on his head. He was S.T.U.C.K! It was trying to still "revolve" and was totally crushing his head. I dropped everything and tried to get the door open a little. There was so much force it wasn't moving. Little Man at this time was crying and screaming a scream like I have never heard. I was trying so hard to get it open but I couldn't. Another man came over and tried to open it. He couldn't open it either. With both of us forcing it open we finally got it open just enough to get his head out. The stupid door just kept revolving while I held him in my arms. I was shaking he was screaming. It was awful. There was so much force that in just the few seconds that he was stuck it gave him a big goose egg on the side of his head. You could see where the skin was about to crack and bleed. I am so grateful we got him out, but it makes my stomach sick to envision it again. It really was horrifying to see him stuck like that with the door crushing his little head. We had to go to the on site nurse to make sure he didn't have a concussion. Thankfully he is ok. Me not so much.
It has been an awful day. All three kids have been at each other's throats all day. As I type I have Dude and Princess writing the sentence "Showing respect shows love." over and over again. Mean mom? Maybe, but after today I am a little grumpy. I am planning on drowning my grumpiness in all the peanut butter and chocolate as I can later tonight.
Also, I am pretty sure that American Express won't want us to come back any time soon.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I haven't done much blogging at all, I don't feel like I have time for it right now. Our lives are super busy and spare time is spent with a much needed nap or a good movie most of the time.
What are we up to you are asking? Well first of all we are still in the process of moving. The closing date is in a month. It has been the most stressful thing that I have ever gone through. I can't wait for it to be over with. My faith has grown, but has also been tested. I am so grateful for the temple. After an awesome time there the other day I am now convinced that miracles do happen. It will all be over with soon, and a new chapter can now be opened. I can't wait!
I got the kids registered for their new school the other day. They will no longer be in year around school which means that they will actually have a summer vacation! I am mostly excited because I found out that the school nurses will all be the same for that school as well! In fact they have it set up already for another little boy to have the school nurse come every day at lunch to bolus him for his food! This was good news! Sending Brooklyn to first grade was about to kill me. The stress has been lifted by quite a bit. I am so happy we decided to have them switch schools!
So crazy things had been going on with my health. I still don't feel like I have many answers, but after a few test we found out that my liver isn't working like it should. I have to avoid alcohol (hahahaha) and Tylenol for awhile and see if that helps. Then I think they will do another test to see if it changed anything. Who knows what is going on, but to be honest I am not worried about it. I have far too many other things to worry about right now.
My hubby is doing great. He has decided to do a 180 and leave/stop trying to get a job in the financial world. He was all lined up for a pretty good job with New York Life Insurance, but felt it wasn't the right way to go. It was still a commission based job and he realized that he will never be happy there. He is going to start back up with school in the Fall and will graduate in a few semesters with a degree in Criminal Justice. Yes, this means he has decided to be a police officer and will be going through the Police Academy as well. This is what he has always secretly wanted to do, and I am so proud and happy that he is taking the opportunity to follow his heart and do something that he wants to do. This might come as a shock to some of you, but to me this was no surprise. I feel that this is what he needs to do and I couldn't be more excited and proud.
I am also on the planning committee for our JDRF walk this year. Wendy Cooper and I are the Entertainment Co-Chairman. This means that the two of us are in charge of planning all the entertainment for our walk that about 6000 people attend. This is a big job but I am loving it! Working with Wendy is great! This girl has quickly become one of my best friends. We think and act so much alike that it is making this job more easy that I thought. I know I know ask me in a few weeks when I am a little more stressed about it.
So that is about it for now. Our lives seem to be getting crazier and crazier by the day.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Don't get me wrong, I miss what everyone is up to, but I don't miss spending way too much time on the computer ignoring my family and responsibilities. It was getting out of hand, causing problems if you will, but I can't not post on my blog forever. It is my journal after all. And I really do miss hearing from my "imaginary friends".
Lots and lots has been going on. Almost too much to blog about. But to summarize our house has been on the market for about 3 weeks. We have 2 offers already, but we are waiting for the bank to make a decision. This could take a bit, but I am not worried about it. Things are going the way they should and I know that it will work out.
My hubby did his 2nd triathlon the other day! He did awesome! He is planning on doing another one this month too. I think that he really enjoys the challenge. I enjoy seeing him succeed at something that he has worked so hard at. I am so incredibly proud of him.
All the kids have had their birthday's. They were all spoiled, and loved every minute of it.
Brooklyn was student of the month for May. It was so much fun to go to the school and watch her get her prize and hear why the teacher choose her. Kindness is a quality that comes easy to her, it's no wonder why she was chosen.
Mother's day was amazing yesterday! It was the first one in a long time that I didn't beat myself up over the things that I need to do different as a mother and end up in tears. It was a wonderful day! Other than Tyson being sick. I am one lucky person to have amazing kids and the best husband ever, and let's not forget the best mother! My mother in laws are pretty awesome too.
Hayden is wanting so badly to train for a triathlon. They have ones where kids can compete and are shorter than the adult races. I hope we can find a way for him to do this. He would love it and do so well. He and some of his friends have started running teams at school where they spend their recess racing all the other kids in the grade. This is his favorite thing to talk about, and from what I hear, he's pretty dang good.
As for me, I am just happy. I am happy with everything that is going on in my life. I am happy for the choices that we have made. I couldn't be more excited for the future. Cheesy I know, but it has been too long since I have felt this peace.
So don't be worried if it is awhile since you hear from me again. I am busy trying to be the best mom and wife I can be. Life is wonderful!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
This is a long video clip but if you start watching it somewhere around the 2:30 mark you will get to why I am posting it.
Brooklyn watched this movie the other day for the first time. To say that she loved it was an understatement. Her favorite part was (as you will see in the clip) when she buys ice cream and candy for all the orphan kids. Little did I know how this movie would impact her life. Even if it wasn't intentional. Let me explain.
We just celebrated Brook's 6th birthday. She has the best grand parents and great grand parents that sent her cards with a little birthday money inside. She was so excited about the money since there are several things that she wants to save her money for, like a Nintendo DS. She only has one weakness though...the ice cream man. As a diabetic this is really difficult for her to pass up but I almost always tell her no she can't buy anything from the ice cream man.
Well the other day she had been outside playing. She must have heard the music from the truck when it was several streets over. I am quite sure she thought that she had her own money so there was no need to ask for permission. Next thing I know I hear the ice cream truck right outside and she was walking through the front door holding a big ice cream that she had just bought. I asked her where she got the money for it, she replied it was her birthday money. I was trying not to be mad, trying to understand that it is her money and it wouldn't hurt anything if she wanted to do this just once. So I asked her where the rest of her birthday money was. " I gave it to the [other kids in the circle] so they could buy some" she replied. I started adding up how much money she got for her birthday and just realized she had handed out $40 to a handful of kids in the circle to buy ice cream! I went running outside just as the ice cream truck was pulling away, I am sure smirking at me knowing what had just happened. I saw all the kids running into their homes with HANDFULS of ice cream and cotton candy. I flipped! I told Brook what she had done and from the look on her eyes she was pretty mortified! (May I just add that she doesn't understand yet the difference between a one dollar bill and anything else. To her it is all the same.) So I asked/yelled at the kids to give me back all the change that they had from her birthday money. I asked one kid how much she gave him " She gave me a $20 bill." he says. " I need the change, she shouldn't have given that to you! Most importantly since you are in the 3rd grade I would have figured you would have known better than to take a $20 bill from a kindergartner to buy ice cream!" He emptied his pocket and gave me the change. $1.50!!!! I was so mad!! The other kids all handed me the change they had too. Total the neighborhood kids spent over $17 of Brooklyn's birthday money to buy ice cream.
All I could think of, after I cooled down of course, was Pippi Longstocking. My silly Brooklyn was just trying to be nice.
And may I make a public apology to all the parents and kids on my circle. Yes, I was pretty mad that she handed out her money, but I was even more mad that kids that are way older than her accepted $30 without question. Buying ice cream from the creepy ice cream man is now off limits! And for the record, I didn't make any of them pay her back. Lesson learned I guess!
And really we are all laughing about it now!
Monday, March 29, 2010
First of all, I wrote that we are selling our house. This has been such a huge relief for us. I have posted this in the past so to summarize, 2 years ago my hubby lost his job. The income that he was making at that time has never been replaced. It is a tough market for his line of work (banking/financial) and it seems that financially everything has been a struggle ever since. Not to mention that 5 months after he got laid off the Princess was diagnosed with diabetes then almost exactly a year after that Little Man was diagnosed. To say that it has been a rough few years is a HUGE understatement. We have done everything we felt was right. We have prayed, we have fasted, we have tried everything, but there was still no light at the end of the tunnel. That was until we realized that the only way to get out of this mess is to start over. This means selling the house and moving in with my mom and dad to be able to get back on our feet again. As pathetic as it sounds to be in your 30's and moving your family in with mom and dad, I am actually really excited. This is the first time in a long time that I feel like there is an end in sight and that we are taking the right steps in moving forward. My mom and dad are saints to be willing to do this for us! They are amazing people and my goal is to be like them some day. Guess that just means that I need to live with them for awhile to see the example up close and personal. :)
Our house will be on the market soon. It is a tough housing market here in Utah, so we will see what happens. I really hope that after knowing without a doubt this is what we need to do that it won't take long, but I am prepared for the worst. We have been cleaning and organizing for a few weeks and that in itself is refreshing!
In other big news I quit my job. This was a tough decision for us. It is a little complicated why I quit, but again, I know it was what I needed to do. So to be honest, and hopefully brief, I quit because my kids need health insurance. We have been battling insurance issues for several months now. We had a hard time getting approved for medicaid because of our income, but because my husband is self employed they approved the younger two. After children turn 6 they are put into a different tax bracket and you have to make less money in order for them to have medicaid. We were border line before so they don't qualify after they are six. Little Dude hasn't had it in over a year, and after the end of next month Little Princess won't have it either. There is the option of C.H.I.P insurance but only if you don't have any other insurance. Right before the Princess was diagnosed I signed up for the part time insurance with jetBlue because I felt that I needed something. Turns out that is the very thing that is holding us back from getting insurance for my older kids. I contacted the benefits department at work and they wouldn't let me cancel the insurance until open enrollment, then be in effect in January. I tried to fight my case, but there was nothing they could do. So the way we looked at it, we can't take the chance of the kids not having insurance from April until January, and the only way to get rid of it at this point was to quit. So I did. It stinks, but I am also relieved.
So you see we have been busy here at our house making life changing decisions. It hasn't been easy to make so many big decisions all at once. Thankfully we are being guided and our prayers are being answered. I haven't been this happy for several months.
In between all this decision making Little Man has struggled with croup, strep, and a dislocated elbow. Poor kid has been to the doctor 5 times in 3 weeks. But he did have a birthday yesterday and I think that he has officially forgotten all about all that other stuff.
So there you have it. Life is busy as always. Hopefully I will have time to blog more in the upcoming weeks. I have so many things to get caught up on. I could write twice a day for a month and still have things to write about. Thank goodness you are all so patient with me.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It has been a long long winter. The sunshine and warmer weather has never been more welcome. I cleaned my house today with all the windows open. It is lame to say it was amazing? Maybe it was the cleaning part that was amazing....now that IS lame to say! But you know those days where you're in "the zone" and you get lots of things done and it is so refreshing? Today was one of those days!
Spring is knocking on my door, but that isn't the only change that is happening around here. The biggest one of all.....we are selling our house.
If I would have uttered those words a year ago it would have been through tears. But today I am ready. It is needed, and honestly this is the first time in 2 years that I feel like I can take a deep breath. The fight is almost done. The terms are good, and I am excited to see what the future holds. Don't get me wrong it is still hard. When we told the kids they cried and complained. They really, really don't want to leave their friends. Heck, I don't want them to leave their friends. I don't want to leave my friends here either! This choice was not an easy one and we didn't take anything lightly. But the choice was made prayerfully and with an open mind about the future. We know that this is the best option for us right now. Regardless what people say or think, we tried our hardest.
Who knows how long it will take the house to sell. It could be months. In the mean time I am working my hinny off trying to junk almost everything. Really....I took over 10 bags of garbage bags full to the DI yesterday. (Remind me to tell the story of the bank getting robbed while we where there....that was a fun experience!) Garbage day isn't for another 2 days and my garbage cans are already full. It feels great to be getting rid of excess baggage that we have been holding onto. Physically and emotionally.
Today my heart is full of gratitude for the love and support that we received along this crazy journey over the last few years. This time in our lives could be so much worse if it weren't for our amazing family and friends. I don't know how to thank everyone. My mom and dad have always told me that sometimes the only "thank you" you can give is to pay it forward and help someone in the same situation some day. This is my goal.
Monday, March 08, 2010
I took him to the doctor this morning and sure enough, I was right.
Because he was having such a hard time breathing they gave him a dose of dexamethasone. Wikipedia definition: Dexamethasone is a potent synthetic member of the glucocorticoid class of steroid hormones. It acts as an anti-inflammatory and immunosuppressant.
Anyone else see something familiar in that definition? You see that word glucocorticoid? The name glucocorticoid is made from 3 words (glucose + cortex + steroid). Yes GLUCOSE.
I don't need Wikipedia to tell me what the steroid is going to do to his blood sugar. Actually back in October Little Princess has the same dose and it was complete havoc on her blood sugar where it wasn't below 400 for 2 days. I fully expected them giving this to him when I took him in, but when the Pediatrician called his Endocrinologist and came back and said "The Endocrinologist wants to see him in the office on Thursday. He feels that this steroid alone could kick him right out of his honeymoon." it kind of surprised me a little. You see we caught his diagnosis so soon that we thought his honeymoon would be a really really long time. Right now the only insulin that he gets is at meal time or when he is high. Which isn't all that often. The doctor wants to see him in a few days because he feels he will have to start getting some sort of basal insulin.
Guess what this means? That he can start using a pump a little sooner than we thought. The approval has already been done for it, I just have to fill out some more paperwork. I never thought I would feel this way, but I can't wait to use the pump for him too!
So we will see after Thursday for sure, but maybe in a few weeks I might have 2 pumping kids. One with a pink one and the other with a green one. How exciting! I will keep you posted.
Monday, March 01, 2010
I am wondering again what the future brings.
I am grateful for friends showing up at my house when they knew I needed them more than I did. Turns out they were right.
I am hugging my kids more tomorrow than I did today. They need to know their mommy loves them.
I am going to try to get some sleep and eat more healthy because my body deserves it.
I am blessed that I have my hubby close by to hold me tight and assure me it is going to be ok.
I am going to look back on this time in my life and know without a doubt that it is my faith that gets me through the day.
I am thinking I need to start looking at the good in all things instead feeling like everything is a struggle.
I am meant for something great.
I am determined to find out what that is.
I will find it.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
This week has been on crazy for the Little Man. You see he is always a little mischievous but this week he seems to be a little more so. It all started on Wednesday when I came upstairs for a break from work, I saw him walking around the corner with his pants half way pulled up. I asked him if he went potty and he proudly said "YES!" I asked him if he had flushed the toilet. "No, I didn't go in the toilet" he said. I asked him where he went then? "[Princess'] backpack" he replied. I turned the corner then there in the middle of the hallway was the backpacked, soaked. So was the floor all around it. My guess is he was pretending it was on fire and he was the fireman.
The next day my hubby walked into the kitchen and the Little Man was crouched behind the counter with chocolate frosting covering his face. He had gotten into the fridge and took out the container of left over frosting from Little Dude's birthday cake. We have no idea how much frosting was in there, but he had polished off the entire container. 20 carbs for 2 tablespoons, a wild guess of how much insulin to give and a few hours later things were under control. This is time that I am thankful he is in his honeymoon still!
Then Friday morning he woke up really early. One of the other kids woke up not too long after he did (I didn't even know he was awake to be honest) then came running into my room to tell me that he was painting his hand with fingernail polish. I walked into the family room and there he was a glove made out of fingernail polish. His hand was completely covered. It took me almost 30 minutes to get it off.
Then on Saturday he took off his clothes to run through the house completely naked a grand total of 5 times! If he wasn't running around naked he was sneaking out the front door to run two houses down to see if Max, the 15 year old neighbor, would come over and play with him.
Then today I came home from church to a very frustrated daddy because Little Man, for some unknown reason, decided to pee in the HUGE container of lego's. Daddy was washing every single one of them in the bath tub. It took him almost 2 hours to make sure all of them where clean.
He is quite the character I tell ya! Here is another short list of things this kid has done this week.
-Went to a high school basketball game and told a girl that he was 16 years old and that indeed he would love to go to prom with her.
-Refused to give his "girlfriend" Jessie back her blanket after she came over to help her mom do my hair for the wedding. He came up with a plan that she could have his as long as she left her blanket. He carried that thing around for 2 days until I made him give it back to her.
-While this post is all about Little Man I better tell you about Jessie. She is my friend's 14 year old daughter. Over the summer we went to lunch together and Little Man fell in love with Jessie. He constantly asks me "where's Jessie?" "can Jessie come over?" he even goes to find her at church every Sunday. He will follow her around, holding her hand and hugging her. He loves to play with her! He told all Jessie's friends that "Jessie is my boy friend" at the basketball game last night. She came to see him in the hospital when he was diagnosed and gave him a teddy bear. His Jessie bear has to sit at the end of his bed every night! He made a Valentines for her and will wrap up his cars to he can give them to her. While this has nothing to do with Little Man, Jessie was tested a few weeks ago for Celiac Disease. Her blood levels came back pretty elevated so she had a scope done last week. They are waiting for the results. Oh and it is her birthday today....sort of. She was a leap year baby born on Feb. 29th. Next year Little Man will technically be older than her! LOL!
-Convinced someone at the wedding to give him a piece of wedding cake. He had eaten almost the entire thing before I knew about it.
-Watched my wedding video over and over and over again because he wanted to watch mommy in her pretty dress. He asked me ALL day long "You getting married mommy?"
See it really has been a busy week with him. I do think he is adorable, but he keeps me on my toes! Like I have always said "whoever coined the phrase 'terrible two's' never had a three year old!
Just thought I would add that he was caught writing on the hard wood floors today with blue permanent marker. Honestly, this isn't even funny anymore....maybe tomorrow I will laugh.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
While eating Little Man stole the hearts of all the adults. He was playing footsies with Wendy and just talking to everyone. When it came time for him to get his shot he wanted Wendy to hold his hand. I admit he is a cutie!
I loved Avery, he is so stinking adorable! And so tall! I felt bad when all the girls moved away from him so they could sit together. Poor Avery! He is such a sweetie! He sure did love dipping his corn on the cob in his ketchup! I love adventurous kids!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
10 years ago I was madly in love with you and eager to start our lives together.
10 years ago you took my hand in Eternal Marriage and we promised to stick together through the good and the bad.
10 years ago we had dreams of a happy, successful, and beautiful future together.
10 years ago we could sit and laugh at some really dumb things together.
10 years ago we would lay in bed every night and watch movies (Ok Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke mostly) before we went to bed.
10 years ago you inspired me to always be my best.
10 years ago your quick whit would always make me smile.
10 years ago my heart would melt when we would see each other.
10 years ago you made me feel like a princess.
None of that has changed.
Except that we have 3 amazing kids that share in all this with us!
And that I love you more today than I did 10 years ago!
Happy 10 year anniversary Trev! I couldn't be more happy to be your wife!
Last year I posted this video on our anniversary. I would love to share it again, but I am too lazy to copy and past it here. Please go check it out and read all about our wedding day!
"Let me just go ahead and pull this airplane out of my back pocket, put it in your route, and write your name on a seat. Will that fix your problem?"
"Didn't you know that it was my job to make you miserable?"
"No! I don't think you know how I feel!"
"Since when was everything free?"
"Sure lets hold together for another 45 minutes for my supervisor to tell you exactly what I just told you!"
"Miracles happen all the time, just not in New York's airspace!"
"I would be happy to pick up the phone and call Mother Nature and ask her when it is going to stop snowing. Do you have the number?"
"Is is really a good idea to try to check your boat engine as luggage? Is it REALLY that important?"
"I have said it a hundred times, they will not let you just go to the ticket counter with an expired passport and let you "talk your way" onto an international flight!"
"I can't give you something that isn't there. Sorry!"
"We don't have rules and regulations just so I will have something to do and you will have something to complain about. They are actually there for a reason."
"If you don't know how Daylight Savings works by now then maybe you should question where you have been for the last 70 years."
"I would be happy to tell you what time to set your alarm clock for, but it probably wouldn't help you get to the airport on time."
"I think you have more problems than not being able to assign a seat."
Can you tell that this last month of working has been SO MUCH FUN? I can not wait for February to be over with! Please let's pray that I don't have to keep working mandatory overtime into March too!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
So here it goes...
~I hate drinking milk out of a plastic cup. For some reason it just tastes different to me. The cup must be a glass cup!
~My absolute favorite date is to go to dinner and a movie. I have always loved watching movies, but going to the movie theater is seriously the greatest thing. My dream is to be able to make enough money that we can go to the movies every week as a family.
~I feel that I have the potential to be a really amazing person. Unfortunately I am stuck at being mediocre. There is so much that feel I should do or I felt prompted to serve but there is something holding me back. I haven't narrowed it down quite yet, I am sure there are many reasons actually, but someday I want to move past it all and be the woman that I am meant to be.
~I own over 100 cookie cutters. I used to make sugar cookies at least once a month, but it has been a long time since I have made them.
~When I was in Junior High I was so self conscious that I used to change into my gym clothes in the shower stalls. Thankfully the only people that have ever made fun of me for it is my sister. (Love you sis!)
~A few years ago our family wanted to become more self reliant. We have a pretty large yard so we ventured out in getting chickens. Jane and Mini were part of our family for about a year then we had to give them away. They were messy and my family wouldn't eat the eggs. It just wasn't worth it anymore.
~I was a pretty outgoing teenager. I didn't have a whole lot of fear. I worked for a pretty popular radio station all through high school. I was on air a few times and even did a commercial. I was the announcer at many events where I had to get in front of crowds like the battle of the bands, movie premiers, rock concerts, and much more. The best part was being able to hang out with different rock bands when they came into town. I got asked out on a date by the lead singer of 7 Mary 3 (here is a song in case you don't remember who they are), hung out with Queensryche (check out this song to remember them) for a few days. I played baseball with them in front of a crowd of thousands. I got to meet Don Shanks who played Michael Myers from Halloween #5 and Diamond Dallas. Life was pretty interesting back then, but I am so grateful that isn't my lifestyle any more. I am much more shy now.
~I organized a walk-a-thon for the Muzak Heart and Soul foundation several years ago. That was tons of fun but so much work. It makes the JDRF walks more meaningful. I am super excited that I am going to be volunteering with the JDRF this year to help get families excited for the walk. Hopefully I will be helpful to them too.
There task completed Shamae.
Now you know way more info about me than you ever wanted to know! :)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
So anyway, here is my bullet point post since I just don't know where to begin to catch up...
~ The school nurse did call me to come fight for the school nurses in front of the school board. Unfortunately I couldn't go. The night they were holding the meeting was the night that jetBlue cancelled a few hundred flights on the East Coast because of some serious snow storms. There was no way I was going to be able to get off work. I feel guilty, like I missed my chance to fight for what I know is right! I don't know what decision was made yet and honestly I am scared to know. I pray that they didn't make the wrong choice!
~ Speaking of work it is I.N.S.A.N.E I am so tired I could scream. Since jetBlue switched to the new operating system I have been required to work a minimum of 7 hours of overtime each week. I feel like that is all that I do...hello it is what I am doing right now. Luckily it is really slow. The pay is good, and I am feeling more confident with the new system, but I miss my family.
~ There is a bit of drama about our medical insurance. To keep it short they cancelled us again. WITHOUT NOTICE might I add. We found out when we were trying to get the kids prescriptions. I have left messages and they won't call me back. I have no answers and I am pretty dang grumpy about it. This means that Little Man won't be able to get his pump until it is all worked out. Hopefully it gets worked out very soon. I hope that it is an easy fix.
~ So Little Dude accidentally got hit in the eye with a bouncy ball the other day. At first his eye looked blood shot and was pretty sore. That night it was painful enough that it woke him up. The next morning was the first time I saw it. It looked as though the eye was bleeding and had filled the blue part of his eye with blood. I made an appointment for him to be seen that day. The Dr. looked at it and basically told us this his eye was bleeding on the inside and what we could see was the bruise it leaves. He looked and made sure there wasn't permanent damage and everything looked ok but he did have one concern, that his pupil wasn't dilating. He put the drops in his eyes to force it to dilate to see if it would work. It did, but as soon as that wore off the next day it was "stuck" and not dilating again. I called the Dr. back and he said there very well could be permanent damage to the nerve. He called in some dilating drops for us to put in his eye 3 times a day for 7 days. This will stop the bleeding in the eye and help the pupil to be forced open so the nerve could heal. Or if worse comes to worse and it is going to be stuck forever they need it stuck in the dilated position. We will not know for sure if this is permanent or not for about a week. Until then he can't play, run, hop, wrestle, or even go to school for a week. He has to wear sunglasses every time he is in bright light, and he has doctor's orders to take it easy. He has been a good sport about it so far. His bestest buddy (the one that accidentally hit him) wrote him the cutest get well card and has even been over with his drawing book to just keep him company while he takes it easy. He is such a good friend to him, and it just makes his so happy to see him. I am pretty sure that he is going to be ok. I think that it just needs time to heal.
~ I have mentioned that my sister in law is getting married in a few weeks. I am so excited for her! I have been asked to be the Maid of Honor so I have been doing my best to help her in any way I can. I took some pictures for her (which you can see at my photography blog if you want to. I did her bridals today so stay tuned for those) and have been busy planning a bridal shower for her. I am on the hunt for a light blue or silver dress, but I am having a very hard time finding the time to go shopping. Even though we are all busy trying to get things together, it will be worth it!
~ My grandfather turned 80 today. We were able to go to a dinner celebration tonight with my family. My dad put together the most touching video for him. While watching it I got choked up thinking about how wonderful of a man he is. He has always been so fun and such an amazing example. My father has been taught many of the traits that my grandfather has and tonight I couldn't feel more blessed to have these wonderful men in my life. It was a wonderful evening!
~ I am trying so hard to come up with something super fun for my 10 year wedding anniversary next week. I am currently accepting any ideas so please shoot them my way if you can think of something!
~ And lastly for now (since I am now off work, and my hubby is waiting to watch a movie with me) I wanted to tell my hubby how much I love him. He means the world to me. He works so hard for us yet he is always trying to do fun things as a family. Happy Valentines Trev! I love you!