Thursday, October 07, 2010

It takes 5 seconds to think of every possibility.

Poke finger.
Insert blood into test strip.
I've done this a million times. Normally it isn't a big deal. Well, I hope it isn't a big deal anyway. The glucose meter starts to count down.
My stomach starts to hurt in worry. My mind races through a million possibilities.
What was the last time we tested? Have I waited too long? Anything could happen to my darling diabetics in even a few minutes.
My palms start to sweat. I knees get a little wobbly.
Things haven't been looking so good lately. The numbers keep getting lower and lower. What will it be this time? Should I have juice and glucagon handy just in case it's really bad again?
I need to sit down, I just might be the one to pass out from stress through these 5 seconds, the longest 5 seconds in history.
Last time she was low, the juice, soda, chocolate milk and crackers haven't brought her up very much. That's not a good sign.
I hug her tight. Who knows maybe this will be the last time I get to hug her before she starts to have a seizure. I pray "Please God, bless my child that nothing horrible will happen to her."
What else can I do? I have tried everything. I have been trained to take care of her. I don't have time for the why me's yet. There is only one more second until I have to react.
Another low. No surprise. 9 lows in one day, and this being the regular for her is not a good sign. I can't help but wonder "What about next time?" Will she be ok next time?
The count down continues. When will this scary cycle end?


Meri said...

((HUGS)) Dear Shannon. I know what a strain this is on your heart and mind. I hope things get figured out very soon!!

The Piquant Storyteller said...

Blood sugars are tricky and unpredictable.

I saw this and thought of you.

It may not solve the unpredictability of blood sugars but it's a way to help your kids with carb counting.

Hang in there,

Aubrey Anne said...

You are my hero, Shannon. I know I've said that a million times, but I don't know how you do everything you do. You're such a fantastic mother, I hope nothing awful ever happens to your little kids. Also... you're a great blogger. I love being your "follower" because I don't have to miss a post! I'm still praying for you guys.

Crustacean Queen said...

Captivating post. Thanks for the look inside a situation I've never had to be in. Eye-opening. I can't even imagine what would be going through my mind for those 5 seconds. When I have a scary count down, it's 15 minutes. They've told us we have approx that long to get Josh to the hospital during a reaction...although so far that has happened once every three years or so...not every day, 9 times a day. That is humbling! Thanks for the insight!

Robin and Stephenie said...

love you!