Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
In part of that training they handed out yellow cards to everyone that had a list of questions on it. Questions like Where is it right now? What does it look like? Did you place it? and my favorite What will cause it to explode? This is a Bomb threat card that is intended to be placed by every computer in case of someone calling in a bomb threat. I got the card and neatly tucked it into my desk and thought "OH I am never going to need this."
Well yesterday when I actually received a bomb threat at work the last thing I was thinking about is that crazy yellow card.
It was my last call of the day and I answer with me same "Thank you for calling JetBlue. This is Shannon how can I help you today?" and the person on the other end of the phone started telling me about JetBlue flight #___ going from ___ to ___ today will have a bomb on it. (I will not put the flight info in here just to be safe but she did say very specific which flight.) Then she repeated it again. My tired little brain was trying to process what she just said "did I really just hear what I thought I heard?" Crap! That is exactly what I heard. I started to say something but she mumbled something to me really fast then hung up. The phone call was exactly 19 seconds long.
I reported it like I was supposed to. Then shut down my computer and went upstairs totally shaken. I figured that most likely it was a hoax, or someone that was really mad, but I kept thinking what if it wasn't? Well, I did what I was supposed to do and that was that.
Or so I thought.
A little while later I got a call from Security saying that they had reviewed the phone call and they are taking it very seriously. (they have to even if it is a hoax) She asked if I was ok. I told her I was shaken, but I was alright. Then she said (as a joke I might add) "how does it feel to have been called a nasty name by a terrorist?" WHAT??? I must have missed that. She said that at the end when she was mumbling something she called me a nasty name. I had no idea I was still trying process what had happened. Kind of funny if you ask me though.
I was a little nervous all day. I kept checking on the flight to see if it was ok. I knew my nerves weren't going to calm down until it landed safely. It looked fine all day right up until it was supposed to depart then it was delayed. It got a little bit more delayed while in the air, but it did arrive safely.
And I was able to go to sleep sound knowing I foiled a terrorist plan.....ok maybe not.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Well today I was working when Little Dude came down and without a saying a word (he knows he will get in big trouble if he says anything while I am on the phones) he wrote on my white board next to me that said.....
Princess (well her real name) 29
I put my phone on mute and asked him if that we her blood sugar. He said it was but daddy was taking care of it.
I had a break after that call so I ran upstairs to see what happened. Apparently after her breakfast the Princess got into the bath. When she had gotten out of the bath she yelled to her daddy to come get her dressed. He was in the middle of something so he asked her if she could do it herself. I guess she yelled back to him that she couldn't and she needed him to test her. He said he went into her room and she was laying on the floor naked, still soaking wet, and not really moving. He tested her and she was at 29.
I hate lows like this. They are so scary! It took her a little while to start feeling better, but the image of her laying naked on the floor not able to do anything is haunting my brain. The what ifs won't stop. I have kept a close eye on her all day since her day has been filled with lows.
The little turkey knows it too so guess what she did this evening? We were headed out somewhere and I was trying to round up the kids. I couldn't find her. Her coat and shoes were still out but she was no where to be found. I started to panic that she was passed out somewhere and started to yell her name and looking all over for her. When I walked into the hallway she opened the closet and came out. She thought she was being tricky to play a prank on mommy. I laughed, but I had to tell her how I really was worried about her. Silly girl.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
First let me start off by saying that we are in the middle of trying to get qualified for insurance again. I woke up half way to a panic attack early this morning. I had been dreaming about insurance issues and stuff so it must have sent my body into fight mode. Crappy thing is that it is real life stuff that I was dreaming about...I wish it were a dream. So really the panic hasn't really gone away yet. I am so paranoid that we won't have insurance again after the end of this month! This is where I need to learn to have more faith! It will work out. I know that it always does.
Anyway back to the good and bad news.
We have been trying to get Little Man a pump before the end of the month. Not that he is ready to use it, but just so we will have it in case we don't get qualified for insurance. We thought things would be ok until I got a call saying that they require 3 months of glucose logs showing that we test him more than 3 times a day. Since he was diagnosed in November we have to wait until February to get the pump. This is where I am praying and praying and praying that we have insurance after this month!
So on to the good.
In that same phone call I was telling the lady about the Dr. note that I have stating my Little Princess can not use the infusion sets the insurance will cover. I really just wanted to know where I needed to send it to. She told me that they initially did it to save money but they have since realized that it wasn't saving any money in the long run. The infusion sets only last 2 days so they were needing to pay for more supply and this wasn't saving them money. PLUS (get this!) They had SO MANY COMPLAINTS about the pain, bruising, and bleeding that they were causing that they realized they needed to change back! YAY! They do have a heart! So this means that the insurance will now cover the GOOD infusion sets again! We are so happy! But again... this isn't going to do me any good if I don't have insurance next month! BUT STILL YAY!!!!!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
So much has happened this year. I still don't quite know how to feel about all of it yet. So many things haven't worked themselves out yet. Then there are those things that I can clearly see why they happened. I see the highs and lows and I am not sure where I stand most of the time. But then I look to my right, then to my left and I see my amazing husband and my adorable kids right there next to me. That is all that matters. Who cares where we are on the path, as long as we are all traveling together right?
As I mentioned before this year has been full of emotion, trials, blessings, and miracles. With the new year right around the corner, and the celebration of the first 10 years of our family coming soon, I felt that we needed to honor 2009 and the lessons learned within it. By doing so I want to share with you my favorite post of the year.
~Impromptu. Posted on Jan. 19, 2009
~When I was a kid... Posted on Feb. 19, 2009
~Never Never Land vs Reality Posted on March 16, 2009
~She can do it. Posted March 24, 2009
~The Office. Posted on April 9, 2009
~I know you were all dying to know. Posted April 10, 2009
~Tis the season for baseball. Posted May 1, 2008
~It broke my heart. Posted May 5, 2009
~Struggle. Posted June 1, 2009
~Weekly Bon Fire. Posted June 25, 2009
~Family Adventure -Deer Valley Picnic. Posted July 6, 2009
~This Girl Has a Story. Posted on Aug. 4, 2009
~Him. Posted Sept. 15, 2009
~Sundays. Posted Sept. 20, 2009
~Simple but true. Posted Oct. 6, 2009
~The Anniversary. Posted Nov. 11, 2009
~The Day Actually Came. Posted Nov. 16, 2009
Each of my posts have a special meaning to me, but each post on this list means so much more.
I am really looking forward to 2010. It might be a little too early still, but I am going to say it anyway....2010 is "THE YEAR". You know THE year for success, for health, for hopefully a little less stress, a little more learning, a lot more loving and tons more giving back. And if not, then I will forever be grateful for what I learn along the way with whatever happens.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Here are the stats:
She is always high. Always. So in the last few weeks we have changed everything. Her carb ratios, her basal rates, and her correction amounts. It seems nothing works. Her A1c is now 8.3. Higher, but it could be worse. And like I said before, I totally saw this coming. We just have to keep changing things until we get it right. The doctor assured me that it isn't anything that we are doing wrong. It is just because she is coming out of (or is officially out of) her honeymoon stage.
We talked again about the infusion sets. He said there is another patient of his that is having the same problems. He wrote us a letter to provide to the insurance company stating that we can't use the other ones because it causes bleeding, redness, bruising, and more frequent changes. He said that if that doesn't work he will see what else he can do. This was pretty good news to me!
He is still doing good. His A1c is 5.8. Pretty dang good! We caught the diagnosis so early on that he will have a pretty long honeymoon stage. He does get insulin at every meal. It is a super small amount at 1/4 of a unit for every 20 carbs he eats. (and since most doctors don't go into the 1/4 units that would be 1 unit for every 80 carbs. See I told you it was a small amount) He isn't using Lantus or any other long lasting insulin. If we weren't giving him insulin at meals though he would have a much higher A1c. There have been a few times that he has snuck foods and his blood sugar jumps up way high. So if we can just keep things going the way we are for awhile then we can take the stress off his pancreas and hopefully his honeymoon will last a little while longer.
We are ordering him a pump though. We hopefully will have it by the end of the month. He won't be using it just yet, but since we don't know what we are going to be doing about insurance at the end of the month we wanted to get it while it was paid for. That way we will be prepared for when the time comes that he will need it.
He is still learning to be brave. He really doesn't mind the finger pokes too much. But when it comes time to give the insulin shot he kicks and screams. It takes one of us to hold him and the other to give the shot. It hurts to have to do that, but someday he will get used to it. Then way later down the road he will understand that we do it to keep him healthy. He is starting to ask how many carbs are in foods though. It makes me laugh that a 2 year old thinks about that kind of stuff.
So there we have it. Another diabetes related post. Sometime I will be able to write about something else. Hey maybe I will post about Dude's new found talent! That kid is AMAZING! Stay tuned for that one, you will be blown away!
When it was just the Princess that was diabetic, going to the Endo caused enough stress for me to last a week. Worried about changes, what the doctor was going to say and then there is the DREADED A1c. OH THE STRESS OF THE A1C! And now there are two! Two A1c's to worry about!
How did I go from worrying about my hair, outfit or makeup to determine my self esteem to that crazy A1c number?
Well I tell you what. I am not going to worry today. Cuz' I know I am doing the best I can. I know November wasn't perfect. I was there when the Princess was so sick because of high glucose numbers with the lovely ketones that followed. I was also there when the Little Man was diagnosed with diabetes. And I even had to install a lock on the pantry door because I saw the effects of what my son's love of Cheerios has on his blood sugar when he sneaks a hand full of them. Our life flipped all around again this month and I just can't be expected to be perfect....right?
So this afternoon when I take the Princess and Little Man to see the Endo I am going to walk in there calmly. I am not going to get after the kids when they start playing with the window coverings, or taking out all the books. I am not going to get grumpy when the A1c's come back and they are higher than expected. I am just going to tell myself with every step out of the office and across the bridge to my car that I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN! And leave it at that!
And maybe, JUST MAYBE we will come home and eat cookies. Just to prove that I am still in control.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
18. Current hate right now? The smell of that NASTY cologne. Why does he have to get into everything? Silly boy.
34. What vehicle do you drive? Chrysler 300 or my Jeep Grand Cherokee
Sunday, November 22, 2009
This is to follow up with the "new" infusion sites we have to use. The first time we used it the site got a little infected and we had to change it after 2 days. The second time we used it this is what happened. Do you see the big bruise where the needle sits? I don't even need to explain the blood.
I plan on using these pictures to show the insurance if I have to. I just don't think I should make her be in pain just because the insurance says we have to use these.
Friday, November 20, 2009
He fell asleep between the wall and the chair/bed while loving on his Jessie bear. It was so adorable that I had to get a picture!
In May we heard of a study that would test family members of diabetics to see if they have a chance of getting it someday. It is a simple blood test that looks for a certain antibody that shows up as diabetes eventually....or something like that. Honestly I don't really know how it worked but I signed the entire family up for it! Little Dude, Little Man and I went to have the test done in May. Little Man's veins are tiny so they couldn't get enough blood for the test. Dude and I got our results and we are in the clear. I still wanted Little Man to get it though so I set up an appointment for him to go with his daddy in July. Well again they couldn't get enough blood....Daddy is in clear. When he started to show a few more signs of it I really needed to find out more since the next time they were doing the study was in November.
I set up an appointment to go and see the Endo in September. They looked at his glucose numbers that I brought in from the times that I had tested him. They did and A1c and it was 5.6, still normal. But they wanted me to bring him in next month to see how things were going. The end of October I took him in again. Still a few higher glucose number and his A1c went up to 5.9 but still ok. They told me to check him still when he is showing signs and to call if I have any questions.
I called Monday morning because boy oh boy did I have a question....ok really, I already knew what he was going to say. On Sunday night my Little Man had a major melt down over daddy taking away stickers that he was not playing with nicely. He went to a time out after trying to hit is daddy. He sat there and screamed at the top of his lungs. No matter what we did he wouldn't stop. I moved him to his room for him to know that I mean business. He screamed ever louder. I went in and sat on the floor and tried to talk to him. He backed up into his closet and screamed for almost 20 minutes. In that time he would come after me and try to pull my hair or bite me. I happened to look into his eyes and I saw something very frightening. It was all the signs of a high blood sugar and that he was officially not in control. This was far more than just a typical 2 year old melt down. I had the thought to test his blood sugar, but there was no way I was going to do it until he was clam. Finally I just grabbed him and held him in my arms and whispered in his ear. He finally calmed down and I just held him. He sat on my lap for quite some time while I talked to him. A little while later I tested his blood sugar and sure enough...394!
I panicked. I couldn't stop shaking. I kept thinking "he has been caught sneaking candy all afternoon. Maybe that is all that it is." Denial I suppose. I know better. Tears kept coming as I realized what this meant. As soon as I turned on my computer to let my mind escape for a little bit my D-mom friends were chatting and invited my to join. I needed to talk and somehow it worked out that they were right there. All of them, including myself were in tears. We all knew what this meant. What a support it was! I am thankful they were there to help my hubby and I that night! (Yes, he read the entire conversation.)
My hubby held me while I tried to sleep. I couldn't. I just cried. The plan was to call the Dr. in the morning on my first break at work. My hubby and I tested his blood all night until it finally came down to 160 at 4:00 in the morning.
I couldn't work Monday morning. My training class starts at 6:30 so I was tired, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. 8:30 came and I called the Dr. and told the receptionist what was going on, then left a message to have the Dr. call me back. Not even 2 minutes later he called me back and told me that he needed to go to the ER. I stared to sob. I knew I couldn't leave my class. There was no way if I left I was going to loose my job. He told me to go straight from work to his office as soon as I could after work. The rest of my morning was a blur.
I picked him and his sister from the sitter and headed to the Dr. They weighed him. He had lost 1 pound since the end of October. They checked his A1c. It had gone up from 5.9 to 6.2. Going up, but still on the boarder line of ok. The Dr. pretty much knew what was coming, but needed to know how fast. He sent me home to give Little Man as much sugar as possible to put his pancreas to the ultimate test. Then I had orders to take him to Alta View Hospital to do a blood test. He said that if his blood sugar was over 200 his pancreas had failed the test. I did what he said.
Before we were called back to have the blood drawn I pulled out his tester and got a reading of 388.
He had failed the test.
The Dr. called that night and said that it was official he is diabetic. He told us to head up to Primary Children's hospital so they can monitor him while they tried to get the correct insulin doses down. He was admitted on Monday night and sent home Wednesday afternoon.
1 year and 5 days apart from his older sister's diagnosis. Can you believe it? I am still having a hard time believing it myself. But we are good!
More to come....even with pictures next time!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Last year any time someone would mention my daughter's name or even the word diabetes (or anything related) I would break down into and uncontrollable crying mess. My emotions were so raw and no matter what I tried I just couldn't hide them. I was scared. I didn't know that I was cut out to be a mother of a diabetic. I felt I was too irresponsible. Everything was overwhelming.
With the diagnosis of my little man yesterday I fully expected for all those feeling to come up again. Yes, I have had my moments of crying and asking why us...again? But something has happened that has made me stronger. You know what happened? Well in the last year I have learned to have more faith. I have learned to try in everything surrounding me to find how Heavenly Father has stepped in and helped me. You know I have seen those tender mercies everywhere. Even in places that I would never expect. Before I get into how my little man is doing let me share a story that happened to me tonight. I never want to forget this so I feel I must share it.
Little Man wanted to go walk the halls before bed tonight. It was late, almost 10:00. He was in his jammies and just having a ball running and skipping all up and down the halls. My hubby and I were following him and just letting him do his thing. We walked through some doors on the 3rd floor of Primary Children's Hospital into a room just off the elevators where there are some couches and computers and even a piano. The room was dark, and the room almost bare. As soon as we opened the doors the sound of music flew through the air. I immediately recognized the song as "I am a Child of God". The spirit of this song went right through me and made my heart swell and my eyes fill with tears. You see this song has a very special meaning to me. The words are powerful! I could hear the words in my mind as the man played.
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.
I am a child of God,
And so my needs are great;
Help me to understand his words
Before it grows too late.
I am a child of God.
Rich blessings are in store;
If I but learn to do his will
I'll live with him once more.
I realized (again) that my children where sent here to my husband and I and we have a duty. To teach our children who they are what their place is in this world. Their needs are great. All of them not just the two that are diabetic. But they have many things to accomplish and I need to help teach them to know that the hard things that come up in life are placed in our path the help us grow. There are ways over them and once passed there are blessing beyond measure in store for them.
The tears just flowed as we walked down the dark hallway and pass the elevators. Once back into the light on my left there was a mural on the wall of Jesus Christ holding and teaching the children. What a moment to be shown how incredible faith is and how deeply it is important in our lives. A reminder that every step of the way, through every trial that diabetes has in store, I AM NOT ALONE!
I felt so strongly that I needed to thank the man that was playing the music. I left my hubby and son to look at the mural a little longer. I walked back into the dark room where the rather large, older man sat at the piano with his head humbly down. I went up to him and put my arm around his shoulders and while crying I told him thank you for reminding what I needed. Without a missing a beat he looked up and gave me a huge smile. I walked away and didn't see him again.
I know we will be ok. I am at peace.
My little man is doing great! He has been playing and watching movies all day. He hates all the pokes but he surprised us all with wanting to do it himself tonight. He did it too. Poked himself, put in the test strip and tested his blood. I was a little shocked. This will all come with time and when he and sister have to do it all together I know she will be there for strength.
When I finally was able to get to the hospital after having to work all morning he was so happy to see me. Later in the afternoon I was able to lay down with him and take a very long nap! It was lovely! I really don't want to leave him again in the morning, but I know he understands. Plus he is spending time with daddy and loving every minute of it.
He gets to come home tomorrow (the 18th) even though his blood sugar is really low. The dr. thinks that we will be able to do the rest of the fine tuning at home. We caught it so early that his pancreas is still working pretty good. There will be a time that it will stop all together and we will adjust things when that time comes. The dr. also thinks that there will be a time that he will actually only be given insulin when he his high and that is it. It would be nice, but we will have to see.
I will update when I can again, but since I have to wake up in 3 1/2 hours I need to get some rest. Thanks for all the emails, prayers and love. We love you guys!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Then in January we were finally approved for Medicaid.
I have since been super grateful. All of her medical supplies have been covered at 100%. Even the Dr. visits are covered. Even her pump was covered at 100%!!! You can't get more lucky than that! So with what I am about to complain about please know that I am still grateful!
Ok so here it is. The other day I called the Diabetes Specialty Center where we get all her supplies from. I hadn't received my monthly order yet and I needed to do a site change. When I called them they informed me that they had been audited by Medicaid and they found out they have been giving out the wrong infusion sets. They had a different kind that they were going to send me. I could hear a little hesitation in the girl's voice so I had to ask if there was a big difference in the sets. She said there was a big difference.
Let me show you!
Here are the infusion sets that we have been using. They are the Animas Inset 30's. There is a plastic piece that the connects to tubing so that when she is in the bath or getting dressed it can disconnect really easily. This picture shows the needle in it (just because I still need to use it) but the needle comes out and a small tubing or the cannula stays in her skin. Kind of like an IV. The entire part is sticky so it sticks to her skin really well.
Now here is what we are having to switch to. They are called the Medtronic MiniMed Polyfin with wings. There is nothing to it. There are big differences here. The needle stays under the skin (the entire plastic piece on the end is covering the needle. The plastic piece comes off. It is just the needle that stays in no cannula). Those little wings on the side are not sticky. So that means there is no way for it to stick to the skin. We will have to use this sticky medical tape to have it stick. The other big change is how it connects to the rest of the tubing. The end if this set just connects directly to the end of the tube.
I wake up every morning kicking and screaming that I have to get out of my bed. I find it very hard to find my momentum and motivation these days.
I have always had this desire to be organized but I really NEED it right now. This is really hard for me to explain but I just feel that it is so important for my family to change some things right now in order for us to be truly happy.
Currently I am trying to find the best way to organize my laundry, keeping the house clean, and stick to a daily routine. I have tried different help websites or books but I feel like they are really overwhelming.
Tell me friends, what works for you?
Before you answer that let me tell you what I feel is holding me back.
Laundry- There just isn't a good "staging place" for it. I don't have a laundry room. It is in the bathroom behind folding doors. We have thought a ton about moving it to the basement but think this might take too much living space from the basement. Right now all the dirty clothes, towels, or rugs end up in my bedroom to be sorted and ready to be done. I don't always get it done in one day so it just piles up. I AM TIRED OF IT BEING THERE! I really need help with this!
Keeping the house clean- This is hard for me because I give my kids chores to do, but they are just not old enough to do some things. I start by working on the things they can't do, but by the time I get that done, they have messed up what was just cleaned. It is a never ending vicious cycle. I will say this once (for fear of people thinking that I am mean) we are slobs. It clearly is a problem with people not picking up after themselves. Mostly the kids. How do you stop the cycle in kids with out constantly nagging to get things cleaned up?
A daily routine- I clearly see how this would help with the other two items, but I feel like I just have so much to do that when I try to get on a routine I start to stress about the things that I am not getting to yet. What works for everyone to focus on one thing at a time then to be able to get everything done?
Ok I just realized I sound really lame. You would think that after almost 10 years of being married and almost 7 years of being a parent that I would have this down. For some reason I just don't get it yet. HELP!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I started my blog YEARS ago and I don't think that I have ever gone this long without an update. So sorry!
So here is another bullet point update just so that I can say that I posted something.
~I had the H1N1 flu last week. I truly thought that I was going to die! I am still trying to get my energy back and kick this cough, but I am grateful to be alive! I might order me a t-shift that says "I survived the swine flu....barely!" LOL!
~I just got back from the dentist. I hate going, but I had a good talk about my new found love of the movie theatre. While in the middle of putting my crown back on the dentist piped up and said "HEY! Wouldn't it be so cool if we all had Transformer teeth?" This made me laugh so hard!
~And incase I haven't mentioned I have a new found love of going to the movies. Not that I have seen that many movies in the last little while, but I have realized that is my favorite date night activity! I have always LOVED watching movies, but there was something about all the awesome blockbuster movies that came out that made me realize HOW MUCH I LOVE GOING!!!! If anyone is thinking of what to get us for Christmas...MOVIE TICKETS!!!
~Diabetes has been pretty crappy lately. In the last 2 months there have been a whole list of things that have made me scream!! First, the princess was rewarded with a milk shake (she had gone above and beyond what I had asked her to do and needed something special) I gave her insulin for half of it and told her to put the rest in the freezer. I got busy and forgot the follow through to see if she really did put it away. NOPE she ate the entire thing. I didn't find out until before bed her meter read and error that she was too high to read. Which means she was somewhere between 600 and a coma. Luckily we got that worked out. But then the next week she got the flu and couldn't stop throwing up. Her blood sugar wouldn't come up much above 80 the entire day. She ended up in the ER dehydrated and a mild case of Keytoacidosis. Then with a few weeks of her numbers being insane we made a ton of changes with her basal and carb ratio and stuff. This helped, but then she got the croup. She had to have a few doses of steroid to help her to breath. The doctor warned me that without changing everything again her blood sugar would run well above 600 for a few days. We had to stop using her pump for the weekend and go back to shots for everything. And yet again had to change EVERYTHING to keep in the 400 range. It was a long weekend! It was even Halloween! She couldn't have any treats or candy until the Monday after Halloween. Boy was I glad that was over! Right now we are back to "normal" but do you know what tomorrow is? Our 1 year anniversary of this crazy disease changing our lives forever! We are going to have to celebrate somehow.
~I started a training class for work. It was supposed to go from 8 at night to 2 in the morning but I got kicked out because of the flu. I have to start it again on Monday, but this time it will be in the morning. I will be grateful when this is over too!
~So I had a birthday too. A few weeks ago I said goodbye to my 20's forever. This has caused me to evaluate my entire life and where I am going. I am so happy with who I chose to marry, and the kids that I have! However I have things that I want to change. I am excited for the future and can't wait to say "my 30th birthday changed my life for the better!"
~One of those things that I am going to change is my weight! I have been touching the side of the scale that I wanted to never see. I am going to do something about it before it is too late. I have agreed to a little friendly competition with some friends and a few strangers to see who can loose the most weight in 8 weeks. Wish me luck! The monetary prize at the end could be SUPER useful!
~I had a little D-mom's chat the other night on MSN live and I LOVED every minute of it! All these mom's I have met through blogging and they have all been such a huge support for me. It was awesome to chat with everyone in one spot. I am so lucky to have these lady's in my life!
~I got a new shift at work that will start in January. I can't wait to start it! I GET TO GO TO CHURCH AGAIN! It will be awesome to not have to worry about that. And I will have all of Saturday off!
~I am really excited for the holidays this year. Trev and I are on the cusp of something fabulous! I don't know what it is yet, but we can FEEL it! This new year is going to be so good to us! I JUST KNOW IT!
~That would be true if we don't loose our insurance first....more on this later, but we are trying to come up with a plan if we loose our insurance and are too poor get purchase a plan somewhere. It will work out though!
Ok guys that is about all that I can think of. That is a good start though! Plan on seeing me more and feel free to yell if I don't keep that promise again!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
I, like many thousands of people, watched the LDS General Conference this last weekend. I feel so blessed to be able to watch it every 6 months. I tend to really crave it as the time gets closer. This time was no different.
With every talk I felt inspired to do better. Specific ideas were flowing through my head that I felt would make me a better person, wife, and mother. I was filled, literally, to the brim with the spirit to go forth and be more Christlike.
Then Monday morning came.
Monday morning those same inspiring thoughts were still there, but in the same breath I felt so horrible. Every thought I had on how I was going to improve my life was followed by a feeling of inadequacy, being a failure, and being completely overwhelmed. I was so confused as to how I could be feeling feelings at the very opposite sides of the spectrum at the same time. That morning I was sharing this thought with my dear friend NaTasha. She explained that she too feels this way often and has since learned that those inspiring thoughts are not to be overshadowed by the feelings that Satan wants us to feel. He wants us to think that it is too hard, or that we are unworthy to receive inspiration, or that we have already failed. She shared that she feels that there are two simple things that we can focus on and it will help to accomplish all the tasks to reach the goals we have set and to cast away the feelings that are plaguing our soul. By simply praying and faithfully reading our scriptures this will show enough diligence it takes to receive the guidance we need to make everything else fall into place. We will find the inspiration that we need to be better women, we will find patience to deal with the troubles that come up, and most importantly we will find the energy to get to work. With this on my mind, and feeling much better, I went on about my day.
Until we had Family Home Evening.
This was one thing that was on my list of things to do better at. I wanted so badly to sit down and have a wonderful evening with my family, have a lesson that the kids totally got, and to feel like this could really be part of our routine again. By the end of the evening we were all in tears and I was ready to bag it all together. Satan was winning. I knew it and I wanted to be in a better place again. So I put the kids to bed and sat in front of the tv to unwind. I kept thinking of Elder Holland's talk. So many people were talking about it. I was wrestling kids during conference, I knew I had missed something. I turned it on to watch it. I cried. I watched it again. I cried again. (You can listen to a portion of his talk above) To hear is powerful testimony of the Book of Mormon I knew NaTasha was right. This is the guide to make my life better.
Today, I learned the second lesson I needed to truly know for myself that indeed my dearest friend had given me the counsel I needed to hear. I was convinced, with the help of Elder Holland, that reading my scriptures was going to help, but apparently I needed a lesson in prayer too.
I send my little Princess to school everyday with her blood sugar monitor that goes with her pump (she has the Animas Ping. The meter is a remote to her pump. For the record the entire thing cost about $7000!) Today, when I went to get her from school she reported that her meter was lost. The teacher and office staff had been looking for it, but to no avail. I tried my darnedest to not have a panic attack. Instead I prayed. This tester could not be missing! What would I do? What would happen if we never got it back? The insurance wouldn't pay for another, what is really the point in having the "Ping" if it didn't have the remote? I tried to remind myself that if I prayed it will be found. I needed to have faith. The school started to call all the kids in the class to let them know they thought it might have been sent home in the wrong backpack. I prayed some more. It was 45 minutes after the kindergarten classes had gone home. The teacher saw a little girl from Princess' class out in the hallway still with her babysitter. She ran over and told her that they were calling the parents of all the kids to find this tester. The babysitter said that since she wouldn't have gotten the call she was more than welcome to search her backpack. When Mrs. Wilson pulled the tester out of the little girl's backpack I got the chills, so did the teacher. I KNEW that my prayers were answered! This was no doubt in my mind that this was the second half of the lesson that I needed to learn this week. (Also for the record, the tester was put in the wrong backpack by mistake. After her 10:15 testing the school nurse put it in the wrong backpack.)
Such a powerful lesson to learn. I needed to learn that my self esteem should not only be based on all that can be seen. The greater the tasks that one person can do does not tally up to the greatest person of all. What does matter is the importance of each task, the true meaning. I can't be overwhelmed by what I am not doing. Rather I need to be working on the small but simple tasks in order to to have it all fall into place. Now, I have the knowledge of how true, and how incredibly important the small and simple tasks really are in all that is overwhelming.
I am eternally grateful!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
One day I realized I didn't know who I was or where I was going. After a lot of thought and tons of guidance I went back to the very same place that was so familiar to me, but with a brand new importance. The gospel was all the same, the spirit was still the same, and even most of the people was still the same. The only thing that made it so different was my perspective. I KNEW I NEEDED it! And boy did I! It changed my life and was truly exactly what I needed.
Now it is several years later and I am faced with a bit of a dilemma. You see I work for a job that requires me to work every Sunday. I have for a year and a half now and this is really getting to me. Sure I get to go when I am lucky enough to trade my shift or get the time off at the last minute, but most of the time it is uncertain if I get to join my family. The gospel is more important to me now than it ever has been. I feel I need it now more than ever too. To not be able to be there EVERY Sunday is killing me.
When I close my eyes and dream of a perfect Sunday I so clearly see the sight of my family going to church together. Sitting on the bench together and holding hands with my hubby. Even the idea of crayons spread over the bench seems perfect as long as we are all there. Then sitting in Relief Society with my BFF and all the other amazing women in the ward all learning, being uplifted and feeling the spirit. I smell the sent of dinner cooking and yummy treats baking after. Sitting on the couch watching a movie as a family then sending the kids off to bed to spend some alone time with the love of my life. Bliss!
I almost wonder how long it is until I can reach this perfect Sunday. But until then I am so grateful for the times that I am there. Today was almost this perfect. It was the Primary Program today and all week I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it. At the last minute last night someone traded hours with me. This allowed me to be able to go to sacrament to see the program. We sat on the bench behind my BFF and her parents, whom I was super happy to see again. My neighbor that has just started coming back to church again walked across the room to give me our daily hug, there is no perfect place for a daily hug. One of my young women that hasn't been to church in forever and who is really struggling came and sat next to me, I loved it! The kids knew their parts perfectly and sung their hearts out. I couldn't have been more proud. My dear friend in the ward that greets me every Sunday I am there with a hug and a "I am so happy that you were able to get off work to be here with us!" didn't let me down today. But to top off the entire experience my hubby found my wedding ring in his church bag. I thought over a month ago when I realized it was lost that it was gone forever!
You see I may not be able to go to church every Sunday, but the fact that I don't have the option has made me realize just how important it is to me. The times that I do get to go means so much to me. Those days always seem extra special. There will come a time that I won't have to work, but until then I am just grateful for days like today that are as perfect as perfect is going to get!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Since then he has worked as a car salesmen, washed windows, tons of odd jobs for people to earn a little extra money, and then the job he is doing now fixing computers and networks as a contract employee.
I consider all those jobs blessings. I really do! Each and every one of them has helped us stay sort of a float. But even with working his tail off it still hasn't been quite enough. He loves working on computers and would love that job to be a full 40 hours a week, but it just isn't. An opportunity came his way to be able to still do that, and work for another job on the side. After lots of prayers and lots of thinking about it he accepted. We are pretty sure this is going to be pretty good for him.
He is now working for World Financial Group as a Financial Advisor. This means he will come into the home of anyone in need of a snapshot of their finances and a plan for their future. He will assist in going over every cent and advise the best plan to be where you want to be with your money. The best part about all this? It is FREE to the client!!! If you are in need of life insurance or any of the other way cool products that will help with financial stability in retirement then he can get you set up with those (they are not free, but something that everyone needs!)
So that is it! If anyone knows anyone that could benefit from any of this let us know! He needs the practice with friends and family, so don't be annoyed if he calls you to set up a meeting! He works on leads (given from the company and from friends and family) so he is still trying to build up a clientele.
I am excited to see him doing what he has been wanting to do. It is exactly what he was doing at the bank, but has the freedom to do more. It is good to see him have more confidence in himself again. With the hard path that we have traveled he deserves to be successful!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I love you Holly!
You are right. My blog does need a little love.
So just because of that I am going to list a few things that over the next little bit I will be blogging about. Just so you can consider yourself updated.
~Back to school. Can you believe I haven't done that yet?
~My awesome pump holders that family and friends have made!
~The coolest package I got in the mail from the coolest sister in law!
~The JDRF walk! It was amazing guys! What a cool thing!
~Our trip to Twin Falls, Idaho. I know what you are thinking....the ONLY chance we get to take a family trip and we go to IDAHO? Don't laugh! It was awesome!
~What my hubby is up to! I love that guy!
~Whoever thought I could go a month without writing about diabetes was wrong. I have an update.
Now, there you have it. Somewhat of an update. I promise I will post pictures too.
Missed you guys! But I will not let you down!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
We had been noticing symptoms that something wasn't right for a few weeks. They were progressively getting worse too. I wrote this post when all I could do was think about it. The thought of what was wrong was keeping me up at night! I knew something was wrong but with not having insurance I didn't want to over react. I was inspired to take her to the doctor and after meeting with her doctor, I made this quick post before heading to the hospital where we spent the week.