I really couldn't think of anything better to name this post other than faith. I live off it everyday. That is what keeps me going. I know without a shadow of a doubt that every trial that our little family has will only make us stronger. It always has and I don't believe that will ever change.
Last year any time someone would mention my daughter's name or even the word diabetes (or anything related) I would break down into and uncontrollable crying mess. My emotions were so raw and no matter what I tried I just couldn't hide them. I was scared. I didn't know that I was cut out to be a mother of a diabetic. I felt I was too irresponsible. Everything was overwhelming.
With the diagnosis of my little man yesterday I fully expected for all those feeling to come up again. Yes, I have had my moments of crying and asking why us...again? But something has happened that has made me stronger. You know what happened? Well in the last year I have learned to have more faith. I have learned to try in everything surrounding me to find how Heavenly Father has stepped in and helped me. You know I have seen those tender mercies everywhere. Even in places that I would never expect. Before I get into how my little man is doing let me share a story that happened to me tonight. I never want to forget this so I feel I must share it.
Little Man wanted to go walk the halls before bed tonight. It was late, almost 10:00. He was in his jammies and just having a ball running and skipping all up and down the halls. My hubby and I were following him and just letting him do his thing. We walked through some doors on the 3rd floor of Primary Children's Hospital into a room just off the elevators where there are some couches and computers and even a piano. The room was dark, and the room almost bare. As soon as we opened the doors the sound of music flew through the air. I immediately recognized the song as "I am a Child of God". The spirit of this song went right through me and made my heart swell and my eyes fill with tears. You see this song has a very special meaning to me. The words are powerful! I could hear the words in my mind as the man played.
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.
Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.
I am a child of God,
And so my needs are great;
Help me to understand his words
Before it grows too late.
I am a child of God.
Rich blessings are in store;
If I but learn to do his will
I'll live with him once more.
I realized (again) that my children where sent here to my husband and I and we have a duty. To teach our children who they are what their place is in this world. Their needs are great. All of them not just the two that are diabetic. But they have many things to accomplish and I need to help teach them to know that the hard things that come up in life are placed in our path the help us grow. There are ways over them and once passed there are blessing beyond measure in store for them.
The tears just flowed as we walked down the dark hallway and pass the elevators. Once back into the light on my left there was a mural on the wall of Jesus Christ holding and teaching the children. What a moment to be shown how incredible faith is and how deeply it is important in our lives. A reminder that every step of the way, through every trial that diabetes has in store, I AM NOT ALONE!
I felt so strongly that I needed to thank the man that was playing the music. I left my hubby and son to look at the mural a little longer. I walked back into the dark room where the rather large, older man sat at the piano with his head humbly down. I went up to him and put my arm around his shoulders and while crying I told him thank you for reminding what I needed. Without a missing a beat he looked up and gave me a huge smile. I walked away and didn't see him again.
I know we will be ok. I am at peace.
My little man is doing great! He has been playing and watching movies all day. He hates all the pokes but he surprised us all with wanting to do it himself tonight. He did it too. Poked himself, put in the test strip and tested his blood. I was a little shocked. This will all come with time and when he and sister have to do it all together I know she will be there for strength.
When I finally was able to get to the hospital after having to work all morning he was so happy to see me. Later in the afternoon I was able to lay down with him and take a very long nap! It was lovely! I really don't want to leave him again in the morning, but I know he understands. Plus he is spending time with daddy and loving every minute of it.
He gets to come home tomorrow (the 18th) even though his blood sugar is really low. The dr. thinks that we will be able to do the rest of the fine tuning at home. We caught it so early that his pancreas is still working pretty good. There will be a time that it will stop all together and we will adjust things when that time comes. The dr. also thinks that there will be a time that he will actually only be given insulin when he his high and that is it. It would be nice, but we will have to see.
I will update when I can again, but since I have to wake up in 3 1/2 hours I need to get some rest. Thanks for all the emails, prayers and love. We love you guys!