It may seem that things are always great here in the thoughts of mommygoingcrazy, but those that know me best know that I just don't post the bad stuff for the internet to read. I have had something on my mind for some time now and I just can't seem to shake it. I am hoping that by posting it here I can clear my mind a little bit.
I have always had this small problem with not giving myself enough credit. I look at myself as a mother and always think that I could do a better job, or even that in the short lives of my kids that I have already failed in teaching them in somethings. It doesn't stop there though. As a photographer I always think that I am not good enough, and I get jealous of people that are just starting out and are way more talented than me. After every photo shoot I look at some of the pictures and just want to give up because they are not as good as I had hoped.
In almost everything that I have ever tried playing guitar, singing, photography, and any other type of art that I have tried to pick up on, I have given up at some point because I totally lack confidence in myself. I see other people that are better than me and I feel as though I can't compete.
I know that I will never be perfect. I know that if I love to do something that I shouldn't compare myself to someone and just give up. I know that as a mom my faults are things, that in some ways, can be worked on and repaired. I know that my kids still love me and that I haven't really failed. But even though my brain knows these things, I am not sure that I have convinced the rest of me.
I try really hard every day to remember my late friend Kirsten's advice to "not look at other people and think they are better than you. They are all looking at you and thinking that if you can do it so can they. Behind closed doors things are different, and the people that you seem to think are perfect really are not what you think." (Man do I miss her!) The hard part about it for me though, is not really wanting to be like other people because I am truly happy for other people that are wonderful moms or talented and artistic people, I just need to find how I can just be happy and proud of myself and what I can do. How does someone build confidence? How do I get past the point of wanting to give up when I feel like I am not good enough?