Monday, June 01, 2009

Struggle

See here's the thing, almost 1 year ago my hubby lost his job. I was so angry. Not at him, at the situation. This kind of thing seems to happen to us all the time. I figured that we were doing something wrong and that we were being punished. As the anniversary approaches I am getting a little emotional about it. Our situation now isn't much better then unemployment. Yes, he has a job...sort of. He was hired by our neighbor to do contract work. He gets paid by the hour and only when they need him. He doesn't get insurance, and since there really isn't a lot of hours for him this job really isn't stable. "Better than nothing" I tell myself every morning when I wake up. He keeps searching and applying for jobs right and left. But with the way this economy is there are a million others applying for that same job and he doesn't even get to an interview. It hasn't been easy and some times we wonder how much longer are we going to need to suffer?



When Princess was diagnosed with diabetes in November I thought "this is it! The final thing to push me over the edge!" What edge? My sanity edge. The edge that I had been clinging too for 5 months, trying so hard to not let go and fall to hit a bottom so far down that there was no coming back. I had to hold on though, I wasn't going down without a fight. A few months more down the road things still weren't improving and we were {this} close to loosing so much. I have tried to be strong. I have tried SO hard to learn what I need to learn and be stronger from all this. This last year of our lives has been very difficult.



But here I am! Stronger than ever! How did I get here? There has been so much gloom that I didn't see how I could be happy until this major trial is over. It isn't over, far from it actually, but I find something to smile about every day. We have come a long way and through all this I have really learned alot.

One of the biggest lessons that I have learned is that as long as I am doing all that I can to do what is right, and to better myself, I will be blessed for that. I have to be trusting that this is my chance to prove my valiance and that I am not alone in this trial. We have been blessed so much more than I feel deserving for. It will all be over someday. And when that someday comes I hope that I look at life in a different way. With eyes of gratitude I hope!

So here's to the lessons learned this last year. Let's hope that I learn it all this time around that later in life there won't be a second (er third I guess) round of this.

7 comments:

RaCeNMoMmY said...

beautiful, Shannon. Thanks. I've been feeling sorry for myself lately & have been humbled recently. I know mine isn't over yet either but am so grateful for my loving Heavenly Father & all that I have been blessed with. I know that I'm not alone in this & that's what keeps me going.

Anonymous said...

I can relate to your story a million time over. I keep telling myself it will get better and I know one day it will. Hang in there and know you're not alone. Thanks for sharing the story it reminded me of the blessings I do have and made me realize it could be so much worse.

EngineeringNerd said...

You guys are amazing. We love you and wish things were going better for you.

Anonymous said...

Maybe instead of complaining and asking "why me," you should ask your husband what happened at this last two jobs. It sounds like he needs to step up to the plate and really be honest with you.

Amber Ro said...

Good luck with everything. I hope everything gets better soon. Just think of how much you've learned through all of this!

Ellen said...

Shannon,

I am sorry to hear about your trial. Like you said Heavenly Father will be there for you. If we just put our trust in him he will help us.

I am so grateful for all of the blessings that I have been given.

Hang in there and know that their will be light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Jen said...

Isn't life great? I think you are doing an awesome job with what you've been given!