Thursday, July 24, 2008

Times are a changin'

Happy Day's of 47! Ever since I was a kid this was one of my favorite times of year! I love having BBQ's, watching parades, lighting fireworks, playing in the water.....the list of awesome activities can go on. I still have to train myself though to remember that Utah is the only state that celebrates the Day's of 47. It's too bad really, they are missing out.

While I do look forward to this every year my heart just isn't in it this year. I woke up this morning feeling a little sad at the fact that I haven't put more effort into celebrating this year. It could just be because I have to spend most of the day working. The hubby has to work all day too.

This time of the year causes me to reflect on the past. Thinking of the pioneers trekking across the country to settle themselves in a place where they were promised more freedom is very overwhelming to me today. They had it really hard with the trials that they were faced with and all the family members that they lost and all the stuff they had to leave behind. But I sit here today and think, yes, they had it hard, but they have one thing going for them, Incredible Faith! No matter how hard life got for them they knew their new life was going to be better for them. They had such strong faith that they had NO doubt that all that was given to them, trials or otherwise, was given to them by the Lord to help them become strong and more faithful. Life, as you all know, here at our house has been really hard lately too. I am trying to have that faith. I am trying really, really hard. But I keep getting stuck.

The pioneers where working towards Zion where they could build a new life, literally. Here I sit in an economy that is pretty unstable. I, literally can not get up and build a new life somewhere to get away from that. I am stuck with the rising gas prices, food prices (and everything else for that matter) no matter where I go. I am stuck with the cost of living going up and it becoming increasingly hard to get a stable job where my family can be happy.

A month and a half ago my hubby lost his job. This is something that I have really struggled with. (I think that you have all seen that) Not only because we were totally not prepared, or because of the crappy economy. No, it's mostly because I have seen the effect on my hubby, myself, and my kids. He has found a job that could work. It stinks. It isn't what he wants to be doing and they are working him to the bone, and as strange as it may sound they are working him to the very core of who he is. If that even makes sense. His new job is effected 100% on this falling economy and it isn't stable to me. He isn't happy. We are not sure what to do next.

Why do I share this now? Well, because I woke up this morning thinking of the faith of my ancestors and how all of us here in the great state of Utah have benefited for their trials and most importantly their faith. I look at my life and even though I want to pack up and start somewhere new sometimes, I think that there is going to be a time (I hope) that someone will benefit from our trials. I honestly hope that it is me. I hope that I can look back on this time in my life and see that I didn't give up, I kept trekking through it all. I may not really be able to pack up my house and family start over new, but I am still working on a new life. Where the gospel is more important, where financial strain will hopefully be less, where my hubby is happy at what he chooses to do, where my kids are well rounded and great people, where I stress less and enjoy life more.

I my still be struggling some days. Those are the days that my eyes are wet from tears the majority of the day, but here is where I want to change. The pioneers had great faith! I too can have that. So once the tears start to flow, instead of spending the day stressing about it, I want to be on me knees the majority of the day praying for strength. Praying for patience, opportunities to serve, for understanding, for help, for peace. All the while giving thanks to the MANY ways we have been blessed. Whatever it takes to build the new life that we are being guided to do. If my ancestors can do it, I know I can too!


Lisa B said...

We are taught to have faith and endure to the end. If we did not have trials there would be nothing to endure right? :) You already have an incredible amount of strength and faith, what an incredible opportunity to draw on those gifts! I am proud of you Shannanagin! Keep your chin up!

amy said...

I know it sounds crazy but there WILL be a day when you wake up and everything will be better... Stay strong and "keep moving forward" and it will be okay! (Although probably not the way you envisioned it! I've definitely learned that one the hard way!)