Tuesday, May 05, 2009

It broke my heart.

I think I found out the majority of why the Princess is running high so much in the last few days. I found one of her 15 carb snack bags on the floor today.....EMPTY. This could only mean one thing, someone ate it. I first asked her just to make sure. She came right out and told the truth. "Yes Mom, I ate it. I was hungry." My first reaction was to get mad, but I stopped myself. "Think of how she feels." I thought.

I asked her if she thought if that was a very good idea. She sat down on the floor in the hallway, put her head down and just said "It isn't fair Mommy."

I instantly started to cry (it is making me cry again just while typing it)

She is right it isn't fair!

I sat on the floor next to her. I grabbed her in my arms and we cried together. I told her how special she is and how proud that she told me the truth. We talked about how eating food without insulin can make her really really sick and that she needs to be extra careful. I promised that I will help it seem more fair.

What more can you say? This is one of the first times that she has rebelled (other than the time she drank a huge glass of milk after we got home from the hospital, but it was all new then. It wasn't rebelling.) I feel for her. I wish she didn't have to deal with this, but this was a trial she was given. She is entitled to break downs. Heaven knows I have had my fair share. I just wish I could make it better.

She admitted to doing it more than once. So my frustrations with diabetes really ended up being a sign that my little diabetic 5 year old was having a hard time. It still doesn't change how much I dislike diabetes. Seeing her struggle actually makes it worse.

After our cry we both felt better. Diabetes may not be what I wanted for her, but holding her close when she is crying? Now I will take that any day!

9 comments:

Amy said...

Oh Shannon- it's just tough, isn't it? My heart is hurting for your Princess and for you. Diabetes just sucks, that's for sure! Good job for sitting down and talking with her- you did AWESOME!!

Tristan said...

Good response Shannon. She will always remember how understanding you were. It's rough when hunger is determined by a number.

Aubrey Anne said...

Omg... I am totally crying. That is so sad!!! Granted, I am pregnant and crying over everything, but this seriously breaks my heart. Little kids shouldn't have to think about stuff like that, and mommy's shouldn't have to either!! I'm so sorry!

Becky said...

you are such a good mommy. Hugging and crying together and talking was THE BEST way to handle the situation. no little 5 year old should have to think about insulin before having wanting something to eat.....but it is what it is and she has YOU to help her everyday and by handling it the way you did, she will want to and know to come to you now first. :)

Holly | Reed Photographic said...

Ok, it's 9:30 in the morning - way too early to make me cry at my desk. You impress me.

*Amy* said...

Ok girl...you made me cry too! It's hard to see what these little ones have to go through. You're a great mom!

Hannah said...

Shannon, we have our break downs and trials, too. At least you held your emotions in check and turned it into a learning experience and showed her how much you care by keeping the lines of communication open!

RaCeNMoMmY said...

You did great!! You are a great mom. I think things will start to calm down now that you guys went through that. Poor girl. I can't even diet without breaking down & giving in. And for a little 5 year old girl to have to give up carbs, especially when her sibblings & friends can have them, has got to be so tough. She is such a brave girl. But she must be special for our Father in Heaven to give her such a huge trial at such a young age. And you as well, because you were given this trial as well. your always in my prayers.

amy said...

I am, right at this moment, assembling a ninja squad to go kick diabetes butt!!! (I wish it was that easy...keep your chin up, you're doing great!) :)