Sunday, March 05, 2006

Control

Sometimes we all get a little frusrated with life. Sometimes we feel as though we are not in control. Right? The more I try to be in control, the harder everything seems to become. The more I tell my kids "no" the more grumpy they get. The more I try to organize, the more I get unorganized. The more I try to figure things out, the less I actually figure out. Why is this? In the last few weeks I have learned a big lesson about this, here is what I have learned.

My kids can't always be told no. Sometimes they need to win a fight. Sometimes they need to hear that they can do something that they don't usually get to do. Doesn't eating a cookie before dinner every now and then make you happy? Kids do need direction, and they do need boundaries. I am not saying that they need to be let loose every now and then. What I am saying is that no one, no matter the age, can not enjoy life if they are always being told "no". A good friend the other day related a child to a parking meter. You need to fill it up in order to use it, and if you want to stay longer you need to keep filling it. With a child you need to give time, love, and attention frequently in order to keep them going. When they start getting grumpy try filling them up, and replenish them with that time, love and attention. Stop what ever it is that you are doing to "fill them up."

We don't know who are children are going to become. We don't know what they are going to grow up and accomplish. What do you think that Abraham Lincoln was like as a child? Do you think that he was always asking why? What would have happened if his mother always said "just because, now stop asking!" He was obviously taught how to be and honest leader. Who do you think taught him that? I would guess him mom. Do you think that Elbert Einstein was into everything as a child because of his curious mind? What would have happened if his mother always told him to leave things alone. I think that we need to step out of the norm sometimes and let our kids make a mess every now and then, let them get into things, let them do what they want sometimes. We really can't always say no. What is that teaching them? That they can't be curious, or that they can't explore new things?

I have this wonderful picture in my mind of how I want my house to run. In a perfect world it would be clean, organized, peaceful, the kids would play perfectly together, dinner would be ready when my husband gets home, and we would be able to have the kids in bed at the same time every night. Well, in order to get most of these things done every day, the kids pretty much have to be out of my hair. I don't want that, my kids don't want that either. Another great friend of mine offered this advise to me when I was about to have my first child "A long time down the road your kids won't even remember if your house was clean, or if dinner was made on time. They will remember if you took a few minutes to read to them, or to sit down and watch a movie with them. If your house gets messy, or if things don't get done don't beat yourself up over it. What is important is that you are spending your time with your family." That wonderful advice has truly helped me with being a mother. I really want my children to remember the good things in life. I want my kids to have a good time growing up. I want to be there for them when they learn, laugh, play, cry, and fall down. In order for me to do that I need to make sacrifices. I need to listen to their every need and learn when to say yes. I need to learn that I can't always be in control!

5 comments:

EngineeringNerd said...

Great Post,

It is nice to get an insight into things before I get to the stage where Nate can talk. I have always been annoyed when people tell their kids that thre reason they have to do this is, "just because, or because I said so." I don't accept that as an answer and will confront the other person when that happens. Kids have a much harder time doing that, well, at least I suppose they do. Once again, Great Post and Insight.

Emily said...

I agree with you completely. And like you, I have this little picture-perfect image of what my household should be like. But I realize that I'm only setting myself up for failure when I try to create that image in real life. And now that I have FOUR very curious, busy little kids running around, I know that my house will NEVER be spotless, nor will every meal meet it "required" nutritional value, and the laundry will not ever be completely washed, dried, folded and neatly put in it's drawer. But as long as my children are having fun, learning lots, staying healthy, and wearing clean clothes, and most of all that they know they are loved--then I'm doing my job!

Christina said...

So interesting. Tonight I stood there after I asked the boys to stop screaming for the umpteenth time and just let them BE. They were having fun and no one was getting hurt. It's okay to yell back and forth at one another for the simple pleasure of hearing your voice. They were sure having fun.

check out kellidarrsuperstars blog on jan. 16. she posted the 10 commandments of parenting. I love it.
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Anonymous said...

I tried to keep things is order mostly for my husbands benefit, because he would freek when the house was a mess, but it didn't bother me that much, because I grew up with a lot of freedom and used my imagination a lot when I was young. I loved pretending I had a house inside of a huge refrigerator box, or having a picnic under the kitchen table because it was wet and cold outside, or that my bed was a raft on a stormy sea and that was why someone had to keep turning the lights on and off. I loved saving my brother or sister who just happen to fall overboard too. I'm glad my mom let those things happen either unknowingly, because she had 8 kids, or knowingly. I loved it. I even loved the messes. It wasn't that bad. I do remember my friends who had spotless houses. They were kind of stuffy and judgemental. That is not what I wanted my kids to be like, so I got the refrigerator boxes, and had picnics under the kitchen table and encouraged my kids to have fun and use there imaginations. I even got into the tub with my girls with all my clothes on because the invited me and just to surprise them. I know that they remember that to this day, even though they are grown and one has a child of her own. Keep on keepin' on. You're doing a good job!!!

Katkat said...

As soon as I say no to my son, I go and show him a yes he can do or have. Motherhood is the best school out there. I learn so much everyday from my son...and from great mommy bloggers!