Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Is it possible?

Is it possible to have a Bi-Polar house?
My house can't decide what it wants to be.

CLEAN ~ dirty
EMOTIONAL ~ strong
quiet ~ BUSY
WARM ~ cold
I realized a very long time ago that nothing at my house will ever be "normal". If it ever starts to feel a little normal I start to brace myself. The thing is I wish that this last year wasn't so full of the extremes.

I am really looking forward to the new year and what it can bring. 2008 has been a rough one for so many, not just us. I am not banking on the fact that 2009 will be any less challenging. What I am hoping for is that it will be a little easier with the knowledge, faith, and hope that I have gained this last year. I feel my armour is a little more protecting than before.

This brings me back to my house. My home is what I make of it. I fully believe that it shows every emotion that I am feeling. I can truly walk out of a room and if I have felt a little overwhelmed the remnants of that feeling is shown in every one of my footsteps. Since I have been feeling the extremes of so many emotions can you imagine my house?

I am not meaning that it is messy, which it hasn't been lately. I am meaning when someone walks into my house I wonder what they feel? Is it possible that they can see how I am feeling that day? I am trying to be more aware of this. I want for everyone who walks through my door to feel loved. To feel the spirit and to feel important to me. With as much stress as I have been under I have been worried that when people leave they might need to seek therapy and not know why.

That brings up another question. Does that mean stress is contagious?

I guess what I am getting at is that I may feel a little more protected a little more strong, but is my front door as strong for what may come knocking in 2009?


Jill said...

Hey Shannon~ You have to remember that you're still at the beginning of your little Princess's diagnosis. They told us that it's much like the grieving process and I think the docs were so right. You go thru the upset...denial...anger...then acceptance...all those emotions cause stress and others around you should be understanding enough to be able to see that. It's taken me 5 months to get to a point where I'm not stressing about everything around me. I think alot of it has to do with the feeling of "lost control". Diabetes is something you really can't control as a Mommy and it makes you feel helpless some days. Especially when my daughter's numbers go from 60's to 300's for no reason. When she was in her honeymoon it was really bad and that feeling of not having control used to send me in a downward spiral and I'd have what I like to call "Mommy Meltdowns" (which I still have...just not as often!) My blog is something thats helped me ALOT! I find that I can come here and talk about anything I'm feeling (good or bad) and because there are so many other D-bloggers here that are able to help me know that what I'm feeling is "normal". Hopefully once the holidays are over things will get better :) The holidays are a busy stressful time alone...and to top it off with D in the house it makes things a little more crazy! It will get better, I promise :)

Wonder Woman said...

It's great that you're mindful of your emotional and spiritual effects on your home. As a very sensitive individual, I remember that my mom often determined the tone or mood in our home when I was growing up. I think you're right that your feelings are reflected by your surroundings, and some people are more sensitive to that than others.
Home is what you make it for sure- and I know that yours is a happy and loving one!

Carolina said...

I hope the new year brings with it new hope and new strength for you and your family. I am confident that, just as you have this last year, you will weather whatever storms lie ahead with strength and grace.

Becky said...

God sometimes puts us in seasons of pruning so that we can continue to grow and flourish. (John 15) I'm certain that 2009 will be a year of growing and flourishing in your faith, in your family, in living with Princess's diagnosis and in your own heart. :) Have a blessed new year...my friend far, far away who lives in my computer!!! :)