Sometime I go through life just feeling like I am surviving, not really LIVING. I wake up, get kids ready for school, take kids to school, come home, shower, check my email, put baby down for a nap, pick kids up from school, make lunch, have a little down time with the kids, put baby down for another nap, try to get things done around the house (this is the time that I find myself most lazy actually) then I try to get some dinner done because hubby comes home, then we hang out for a bit and everyone goes to bed. But me. I don't sleep well these days. This is what I do every day. It rarely changes.
I have been blogging so much because it seems that it is my connection to the world. My phone never rings unless it is someone telling me that I forgot to pay a bill. (which has been happening too much lately) My hubby might call once a day. He is really busy at work. I check my email, but I rarely have any.
Where am I going with all this you ask? Well, I don't really know. I was feeling pretty crappy about myself and thought that I needed to get some of this out of my head. It has been a really hard couple of months for me. I have tried really hard to put on the happy face and pretend it is all just going to go away. Well, it isn't going anywere. I have the lowest self asteem that I have had in a long time. I feel that I am slowly loosing control of my surroundings.
I think about the things that I need to change to make things better, and it seems overwhelming.Where do I begin? I realize that without change we can never learn, and that in my case it is crutial that things change. I guess all I need is for someone to hold my hand and guide me through it all.